Years and years ago, when I still blogged at blogger and teacher bloggers were predominantly writing about teaching as opposed to writing to promote their TpT products, someone introduced the concept of One Little Word. Basically, you select a word for the year that will bolster you through and is supposed to serve as an anchor of purpose.

At the time I first heard of it, I just thought the teacher who had shared it was clever and a ton of people hopped on the bandwagon. Since then, however, I have learned that someone else had originally come up with the concept and even had a class for it each year. The class includes some journaling/scrapbooking type of stuff so it's more than just choosing a word.

I don't go that far into it. I just like to choose a word to push me through the year. A couple of years ago I chose the word Intent. I even had a wallpaper made for my phone with that word on it so I would see if multiple times per day. It was incredibly helpful for me as I went through the year to have that word literally in my face throughout my days. That word also gave me the strength to pursue other job opportunities when I found I was no longer satisfied/fulfilled in the one I had. It was an incredibly powerful tool for me. 

I didn't do a word for 2018. I'm not sure why I didn't choose one, but I am going to do that for 2019. I am not a New Year's Resolution fan. I like to set goals, sure, but I don't like to call them resolutions because I think people expect resolutions to be broken. I don't like the negative connotation there. That may be another reason why I like the One Word challenge because it's not a resolution OR a goal - it's simply a word to anchor you for the year to come.

As noted previously in this blog, I have done a ton of reflecting, journaling and meditating since Thanksgiving. It has truly helped diminish my anxiety and depression in ways I didn't think were possible. In addition, I have been working with a therapist which is the best decision I ever made, to go back to therapy. Having someone objective to help you process the things taking up space in your head is incredibly helpful. Throughout the last two weeks, I have brought up the One Little Word concept in therapy and discussed it with my therapist. I have been tossing around a couple of words as options, but I have also wanted to be very careful what I select because once you pick it, that's it. 

All of the words that I have considered have power and meaning behind them. Not surprisingly, they are all really similar too. I did consider using the weird fierce, but I think that's too strong of a weird with some negative connotation to it so I have passed on that one.

The word I have selected for 2019 is renewal. This is an incredibly powerful word because renewal can encompass so many areas! I want to renew/strengthen my relationship with my husband and my daughters; I want to renew my faith in myself and my self-confidence (which has taken a real beating with this latest bout of depression); I want to renew/strengthen my resolve as an educator and seek opportunities that will allow me to continue to grow as a professional. 

I love this word because, truly, from moment to moment the way I renew can be different. It can truly fit the situation I'm in. There is power in the versatility of the word itself. 

Here's to a happy, prosperous and renewing 2019. 

Teaching in December can be incredibly stressful. Students are excited for some time off (teachers are too!), but for many students it can also be a time of great anxiety because school might be the only really stable place they have in their lives. I personally choose to believe that families do the best they can with what they have and that they send us their best.

Even with that positive intention, students can come to school dealing with the effects of trauma, anxiety and more. The thought of extended time at home away from the stability of school can be really hard for some students. I think I have understood this much more deeply in the last few years as I have gotten more involved in Restorative Practices and Trauma Informed Teaching and Learning. We really would like to think we know so much about what our students bring to school with them, but I think the reality is that we really only know a tiny amount in the grand scheme of things. 

As such, I try really hard to keep things as normal as possible the last couple of weeks of school before we go on winter break. I want my students to feel stable and secure in my presence. I think that has paid off this year. 

On Friday, December 21st, we had a half day of school. I planned to finish up all of our testing and things on Thursday so that we could just have fun together on that last day. We finished the ornaments they made for their families and then we had our party. I chose not to include food this year - the students just had to bring themselves. The students exchanged their gifts from each other (we do a Secret Santa Workshop each year and they get to select a gift for a classmate to exchange) and they got their gift bags from myself and my intern. Then it was fun time.

We played Candy Cane Fishing and Snowman Bowling! So adorable. 

Truth be told, I think I'm just happy I was able to capture action shots. So much fun!

After this we had a "snowball fight" with marshmallows since there isn't any snow in our area of Michigan right now. Students had a partner and sat across from each other. Each had a small bag of marshmallow minis. They had one minute to try to get as many minis in their partner's mouth as possible. Then we cleaned up (because for real, the marshmallows went EVERYWHERE even though they were being careful) and then we repeated with the second partner. It was so much fun. I have an adorable video of it but can't show it due to it showing student faces. So cute though!

Then we had lunch and I sent the kids on their merry way until 2019. Generally at Christmas I have one or two students who bring a small gift. A few rare times I have had 5-6 kids do this. Friends of mine who teach in more wealthy areas are shocked by this because they get overloaded with gift cards and other expensive items. I do not teach in an area where this is ever going to happen and that is 100% acceptable to me. I do not want my families worrying about buying me a present - I want them to worry about buying their own family/children/spouse presents. (Come Valentine's Day - they more than make up for the gifts, believe me!)

This year, I did have a couple of friends bring me a gift. Some were just little handmade cards (my favorite gifts, honestly). One gift I received included a super nice card. I'm so glad that I didn't open it in front of my students because I would have probably started crying. It was so sweet and heartfelt.

I think it's important to note that I fully embrace my weirdness. I'm not afraid to be silly. I think it's what makes me approachable - kids love that about me. I know when to be serious and when to be a goof and they really come to appreciate it. I try to make things fun because you're much more likely to be engaged in learning if you're having fun, right? 

But this mom, having never met me, was kind of taken aback at Open House when I fully said "He's going to tell you that I'm weird...and I am." She has come to appreciate that so much over this last couple of months. She has already asked me if I will teach 4th grade again next year so that I can keep him (truth be told, I was asked that last year too). 

As difficult as these last few weeks have been for me personally with my depression and anxiety, all of the meditation I have focused myself in has really allowed me to be present in each moment and that helps so much. I enjoyed that party so much more because I was not thinking about when it was done or what else I needed to do. I was just enjoying their laughter and their joy at the fun we had together. There is power in that.

Of course, I look forward time off as much as the next teacher, but I also hope that I sent my students away to finish up 2018 with gratitude in their hearts and love on their minds. We will meet again in 2019 and I think we will all be better people when we come back together. 

As mentioned in my previous post, I am a teacher who deals with depression and anxiety. I also live in Michigan. The sun does not like to come out in Michigan much during the months from November to April. It can be incredibly distressing to see little to no sunlight for weeks on end. Someone told me the other day that we had only 8% of our days in November having any actual sunshine. The number alone is pretty depressing.

I'm not sure why November and December are so difficult for me to deal with alongside my depression. I'm sure the lack of sun is part of it, but I'm not sure what else it is about these months that make it so much harder for me to handle my depression. 

In November, when I finally admitted to my family, my friends (and most importantly, myself), that I was struggling with my depression again, I decided to take action. I have determined it is time to take some steps, that do not involve medication, to get myself to a place where I like myself. Because that's the real issue - I don't like myself very much. I had a very emotionally manipulative parental figure growing up and his way of controlling us was basically do beat us down emotionally. I haven't even spoken to this person in almost 8 years and I still feel the effects of that manipulation. It is ever-lasting. 

But I have put some things in place to make my mind a better place to be.

1) Prioritize myself. First and foremost, I have decided I have to make myself a priority. I do not think anyone who has ever taught with me before would disagree that I do not take care of myself. I don't. I have let my ambition guide me, but at the detriment of my relationship with myself and many people around me whom I care for. I am now purposely making myself a priority - I am saying "no" and backing out of previous commitments because I am not the only person who can do things. Spread the wealth folks - we will all be happier for it.

This also means I have really scaled back on social media interactions. I have not been very active in my Voxer groups recently because they overwhelm me and I do not want to feel obligated to participate. When I'm ready, I'll step back in, but setting those boundaries and giving myself permission to step back has been immensely helpful. 

2) Seek therapy. For several years, I worked with an amazing therapist. I would see her once a week after school. She helped me during an incredibly difficult time in my life. But then I stopped going and felt like I didn't need it. But I do. I need an objective party who does not know me outside of that relationship and can help me see things more clearly. I joined TalkSpace and was matched with a great therapist who is across the state. We share space in our private chat room 5 days per week. I get almost daily interactions with someone rather than having to save all of my thinking for once a week. I love this format because I can access my room 24/7 and leave voice messages or texts as often as I want. 1-2 times per day she responds, except on her days off. Truthfully there have been a few times she has even briefly checked in on her days off to make sure I'm doing okay. People whine that it's pricey (about $200/mo and they do not accept insurance), but for me...having someone to chat with almost DAILY who can help me in bits and pieces is so, so beneficial and absolutely worth every penny. I'm also finding that I am much more open and honest in this format because I don't have to look at her and she isn't looking at me. My fear of being judged is real and this alleviates that.

3) Set daily intentions. About three weeks ago, I decided I needed to set daily intentions for myself. Every morning, before I do anything else, I set intentions for my day. Every day, my first intention is to complete my meditation (see #4), then I list anything else that I want to set intention for. At this point, in the place I am with tackling my depression head on, most of the intentions center around mindfulness and/or positivity. I literally turn these into a checklist and it is incredibly helpful because nothing makes me happier than checking things off of a checklist. It has been an incredible tool to help me to focus myself on positive thoughts, finding joy in situations and anchoring myself in intentional actions. 

4) Mediations. Enter the Calm app. I have had a subscription since January, 2018, but I didn't really use it that often. Now I use it every single morning. It is the first thing I do after I set my daily intentions. I listen to the Daily Calm and center my body for the day. I have also listened to the Calm Masterclass "Rethinking Depression" (which I highly recommend!) and have enjoyed "7 Days of Calming Anxiety" as well as some of the sleep stories. I have spent just under 9 hours in that mindful app in the last 23 days. My head is such a nicer place to be with the addition of these meditations and time spent intentionally living in the moment. [Did you know if you are an educator, you can get a lifetime subscription to Calm as long as you have a K-12 classroom? Check it out!] 

5) Journaling/Reflecting. This was something I implemented alongside setting my intentions daily. My very dear friend designed these wonderful reflection journals. I bought one last spring but wasn't really sure what I wanted to use it for. Seriously, I've had that thing since like May, but didn't start using it until around Thanksgiving. It has been a complete God-send for me. First of all, the journal is gorgeous and has a buttery-soft feel which just makes my office-product-obsessed-geeky-self so happy. But the format is set up in a way that makes reflection so easy!
The left side allows you to set your intentions and mindful goal for the day in the morning (top two spaces) and reflect and process in the evening (bottom two spaces). The right hand page allows you to reflect in a longer format if you so desire. 

I have found so much benefit from completing these every day. They have truly changed how I focus my day and allowed me to "let go" each evening. Coupled with the meditations/mindful practice, my head really is a much nicer place to spend time in compared to a month ago. 
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6) Marriage Meetings. In working with my therapist and realizing there is a lot of baggage from my abusive upbringing still affecting my marriage, one of the things my husband and I committed to doing is holding weekly marriage meetings. These have been incredibly beneficial for both of us. They have allowed my husband and I to communicate in a more risk-free way regarding my depression and anxiety but also other things happening in our marriage and relationship with each other. I would highly recommend the process to anyone! There is a whole book on it but you can also get started, like we did, from this quick and helpful explanation. 


Depression is so real and so difficult to deal with, but I have found it is less daunting and actually has much less control over me when I am intentional and mindful about my daily practices. Sure I still have some pretty bad spikes, but not nearly as bad I was experiencing before making myself a priority and being more intentional with what I allow to reside in and take up my headspace.