It's so hard to believe it is the last day of 2019! Where is the time flying to?

As we close out this year, I think it is important to reflect on the growth and changes we have made within our lives and within ourselves. This time last year, as I was choosing my #OneWord for 2019, I was really focused on myself: who I wanted to be, what I wanted out of my life and how I wanted to finally feel like I was somewhere I belonged. I focused on the word renewal as my #OneWord and boy did I ever live up to that word.

For so many years, I had allowed myself to be taken advantage of because I didn't ever want to say no or seem like I wasn't a team player or helpful. Unfortunately, that reputation preceded me in my career and people just associated my name with the concept that I would always go above and beyond. Way above and beyond. This bit me in my backside multiple times in my career as one person cannot possibly be the most effective teacher they can be and have a myriad of other responsibilities that actually do not impact students.

So last January, I started putting my foot down. I started saying no. I backed out of things I had been asked to do that I didn't really want to do anyway. It made some people mad and it caused some gossip, but unfortunately, gossip was nothing new where I was. It happened in every school I was part of. I continued to push myself to be who I really wanted and needed to be.

In April, when I discovered that I had been royally deceived, I was done. I wasn't going to do this anymore. I pride myself on being honest; honest to a fault actually because sometimes folks don't appreciate my honesty. They would rather keep the peace and the status quo and I am not about that life (and never have been). When someone deceives me on purpose, that's it. We are done. You don't get a second chance, especially when it's in a professional setting. It turned out to be a good thing because it was the catalyst I needed to take my time and talents elsewhere.

In mid-May I was offered my new job as an ESL teacher and I felt blessed to know that I had something lined up for the following year. That may have felt, at that time, like the culmination of my word renewal. I had done it. I had gotten myself a position that I was suited for and would (hopefully) appreciate my time and talents in a way I hadn't felt for a long time where I was.

We ended our school year and within a few days, I was aboard a plane for a month in Uganda working alongside their teachers as a coach. I have always wanted to coach, but have never been given the chance to do so. Uganda changed me. I have told people since I have been back in the USA that I feel like I left part of me in Kunungu District (I definitely left a little skin back there when I slipped on a hike!). I found renewal there too because I realized how simple life could be and how happy everyone we met in Kunungu was. Sure, they called us mzungu's (white people) because there aren't white people there usually, but it wasn't said to be rude or mean, we were more like a novelty. I remember the first day that Heather, Selene and myself went to our assigned school. The students all wanted to touch us because they had never really seen white people before. My eyes were opened to the conditions they have and I was amazed at just how happy they were; they didn't have the creature comforts we are used to in the US but they were cheerful, friendly and probably the happiest people I've ever met.

I came back to the US on July 1. It took me awhile to get used to the fast-paced lifestyle we lead here. I found myself annoyed at the trivial crap people obsess over. My fellow school coaches and I decided to gift our school with real blackboards because while it was crazy expensive to the school (over a million Ugandan shillings), it was only about $330 US, split three ways it was no big deal. I felt like we were leaving a legacy for the children and their teachers and something that would be sustainable for years to come. (And when they had them installed, they were so happy and told us we were angels. We aren't...we were just humbled by these amazing people.)

Then it was time to focus my attention toward my new job. I really didn't know what to expect because I had always been a general education teacher. Even though I have been classified as an ESL teacher for over 10 years, I was always still in a general education setting. This was going to be very new. In mid-July, my new ESL team invited me over for dinner to get to know each other (they've worked together going on 18 years) and I found out there I would have one elementary school and the middle school on my caseload, roughly 55-60 students total.

I went to a ton of trainings at the end of August and then prepped my classrooms for my new adventure. I was excited to know that I would have a class in my middle school where I got to work with my lower ELs but also wasn't tied to an actual curriculum (color me happy!).

I love my job. I think, honestly, it is the best part of this year. I haven't been babysat, no one has hovered over me, and I have been given the professional freedom to make some changes to do what is right by our students. More or less, I have been left to my own devices which I have discovered really fits my personality! In all seriousness, however, I have been treated like a professional who is competent enough to make decisions and follow through on them. That was not true for me previously. The freedom in my job is amazing and I really love what I do.

The last day before winter break, I was at my elementary school in the morning and the middle school in the afternoon as I typically am on Fridays. I knew with the excitement of the school parties and the school-wide celebrations we were having, I wasn't going to pull my groups. I did, however, go to each classroom I see students from to wish them a happy holiday and tell them I would see them in January. The compliments I got from the staff about how happy they are that the students want to come with me made my day. My elementary principal also wrote on my Christmas card that she was so happy I had brought joy to their students. I think that may well have put the nail on the head for my word renewal. I had finally found who I was and was meant to be, in a place where I felt respected, have always been treated like a professional and feel good about the work I do.

In all, I'd say this year has been a good one. It has certainly had its ups and downs (what year doesn't?), but I have gone into everything head-on and with the goal of trying to figure out the purpose or lesson of the situation. It really got me through some of the tougher times.

That leads me to my #OneWord for 2020. I have been thinking about what I wanted this word to be -- It had to be spectacular to follow up on renewal. I found an online quiz somewhere and it told me my word would be harmony. As soon as it popped up on the screen, I knew that was my word, without a doubt.

I am at a point in my life where there are many things happening (one of my kids will be graduating this year and the last one next year; my oldest is thinking of trying for Baby #2) and I want to feel at peace with the stage of life I am in. I think harmony is an amazing word to try to live up to -- to take each day and lesson as they come and try to grow and be better with every lesson.

As this year wraps up and we had into 2020, I wish you peace, harmony and happiness.

Happy winter break to all the teachers and kids out there!

This winter break is extra special for me because I am getting to spend it bonding with my new rescue pup! I grew up having dogs and my husband and I have had dogs together most of our marriage (I think in the 19 years we've been together, we only haven't had a dog for about 2 to 2 1/2 of those years!).

We moved to our current house in 2003. To the day, a year later, a new family moved in next door and their female dog had had a big litter of puppies. As The Youngest was pretty little (about 20 months old), she was obsessed. I remember getting her out of the van after getting home from daycare and she would run over to the fence separating our houses and drop to her knees to see all of the puppies! Needless to say, we had to get one. We had Morgan for 10 years. He was a great dog and loved by all. When he was about 7 we got a puppy, Hershey. Hershey loved Morgan, Morgan did not love Hershey. At all. I'm quite sure his face in some of the pictures we have of them meeting is saying, "What is THIS thing?" :)

We lost Morgan in 2014. He had had some health issues, including a tumor that was growing behind his eye. The vets were confident it wasn't cancerous and it didn't ever seem to bother him but he was losing his hearing and had some other issues happening. He fell down the stairs and broke his leg and the poor ole boy was just miserable. So we had to make the hard decision to put him down. It was awful. I took a day off work because I was so sad about it.

Hershey missed his big brother so much. It was probably a month before he stopped looking around for Morgan. (I later learned that it takes 3-4 weeks for another animal to finally lose the scent of the other pet.) Hershey has been a constant companion for us since we got him in 2011. We didn't think we were going to have to worry about losing him any time soon.

Unfortunately, he developed some fatty tissue on one of his back legs. We took him to the vet and they even did a biopsy but it came back negative. They thought it was just an infection starting up. We put him on an antibiotic and thought that was the end of it. He completed the round of antibiotics but there didn't seem to be much change in it. About a week after the antibiotic round was done, the spot turned rock hard and it seemed to be growing. We knew it was beginning to bother Hershey because he would bite at it and finally we had to put a cone on him so he wouldn't mess with it when we were all gone at work and school.

My husband took him back to the vet on a Tuesday and the vet said, "there is no easy way to tell you, but it's definitely cancer." They even reviewed the previous records from the last visit and couldn't believe that the biopsy had come back negative before. They told us to keep him comfortable and as long as he was eating and seemed happy, to expect him to have about 3-5 months.

Less than a week later, we were at the Animal Emergency Hospital and we were losing him. It was heartbreaking, especially because he was only 8 years old and he had been so healthy in the weeks leading up to that. The cancer was very aggressive and hit him fast and furious.

I was devastated. I stopped sleeping well. I was eating my feelings (and I knew it). I stopped going to the gym. I spent a lot of time journaling and a lot of time in therapy talking about Hershey and trying to figure out why his loss was affecting me so much. I knew that I was also devastated when we lost Morgan, but I think I also recognized that having Hershey there allowed us to be comforted. There wasn't just an empty space the way there was when Hershey was gone.

Finally, after speaking at length about it to my therapist, and some friends, I realized what it really was.

Way back in 2010 when I began to blog for the first time, I was on medical leave. I had left an extremely abusive classroom situation and was at home dealing with depression, anxiety and some post-traumatic stress (as the abuse in the classroom triggered memories of my childhood abuse that I had suppressed). It occurred to me as I was really exploring my feelings about Hershey's loss that when I was home during that medical leave, I was alone 5 days per week for about 6-7 hours a day while my husband and kids were all in school or at work. Who was there with me? Morgan. He never left my side actually.

Last November (2018) when my depression hit an incredible low point, probably the lowest it had ever been when I was feeling dark and not myself at all, who was there? Hershey. While I did not take time away from work last year to deal with my depression, I did rely on the dog being there when I was sad. He was 100% my husband's dog (if there was a choice between the two of us, it wasn't going to be me), but instinctively, he seemed to know when I was really sad and needed some extra TLC. He would seek me out and put his head on my leg so I'd pet him or he'd come lay by me on the couch.  These dogs had been my emotional support animals and I didn't even know it. They were just always there and gave me the extra love and support I needed when my anxiety and/or depression were getting the better of me.

Of course, this realization brought on a little guilt. I realized I had totally just taken for granted the unconditional love I was getting from these animals. I loved them of course, but I certainly could see where *I* could have been a better dog mom with hindsight being 20/20 and all.

As such, I told The Husband that I needed a dog in my life. It was so beyond a want. I explained all of this to my therapist and she also agreed that this was not a want for me; it was a need. I hadn't slept well in over a month since Hershey had passed away and that was seriously going to begin to affect my job and my personal life.

I connected with some local shelters because I knew that Bissell was having its Clear the Shelters events coming up. We filled out our applications, had our vet give us a reference and prepared to meet some dogs. I went to the Humane Society and saw several dogs that I liked, but they either were not cat tolerant or they weren't good with small children. While I don't have a small child who lives with me, my 3 1/2 year old grandson is around enough that any dog we have has to be good with children. So that left all of those dogs off the list.

Then I connected with a shelter in the area I work in. It's only about 5-10 minutes up the road from my middle school so very easy for me to get there after work. We were interested in two dogs in particular. One was in a foster home and the other was in a shelter. We couldn't make the deadline for the Clear the Shelters event because of the foster mom's schedule but were happy to pay the adoption fee if we had a match.

On Sunday, December 15, we met a wonderful 3-4 year old Pitt Bull/Shar Pei mix named Dino. He has been in foster since early November because he was not doing well at the shelter. He had come in as a stray and is a beautiful animal. I had seen several of his pictures and the post his foster mom had made on the shelter's Facebook page and I was in love already. He is very sweet but they suspect he was abused by a man at some point because he takes a lot of time to warm up to men.

I was in love immediately. I didn't even want to meet the other dog because I knew I'd want to take them both home and that wasn't about to happen. We let the shelter folks know we definitely wanted to follow through with adopting Dino and I made arrangements with the foster mom and the shelter to finalize everything and pick him up on December 20 on my way home from work. This would be perfect because it was also the start of my winter break so we'd have time to help the dog adjust and settle in a bit.

We rechristened him as Odie because I just don't think he looks like a Dino. What's really funny is, the day that I signed the adoption packet, the woman at the shelter was verifying my employment and said, "Oh, you're a teacher, aren't you?" and I said, "Yes." She kind of chuckled and said, "that's funny because we dressed Dino/Odie up as a Teacher's Pet for Halloween!" How's that for irony? :)

I love this dog. He is seriously the sweetest. He's very obedient, learns quickly and is so loyal. He is taking a little longer to warm up to/get used to The Husband, but I think that's to be expected since we know he was likely mistreated by a man at some point. I've taken Odie on multiple walks around our neighborhood and he is amazing on a leash (that was not something I could ever say of Hershey!) and is so well behaved. He lets me dress him in doggy t-shirts and he sleeps at my feet to keep me safe. I love it.

I seriously have to question who rescued who? I have slept so soundly the last three nights he has been with us. I can feel the tension in my body slowly subsiding. I really wonder if he can sense that I was mistreated as a child just like he was and thus we instantly bonded.

I have taken my role as dog mom so much more serious this time, especially now that I understand how much of an impact my previous dogs had on my emotional well being. Odie is a dream dog. We even left him alone for several hours his 2nd night here so we could celebrate our daughter's birthday and he didn't leave a mess in the house or destroy anything either. (Honestly I was a little worried because you just never know with a new pet at home.)  He is friendly, affectionate, a cuddler and so so loyal.

I've never adopted/rescued before. All the previous dogs I can remember having in my life we got as puppies. Puppies are overrated! I haven't had to house-train Odie because he already was. He knows some simple commands like sit and he comes when I call him (we are working on "stay") and it's so much better being past the potty training phase!

Again, I never really appreciated how much my previous dogs supported me emotionally. Now that I know that to be true, my bond with Odie is going to be so much stronger, I think. We walk together, we play together and we rest together. It's definitely the start of a beautiful friendship and I am almost convinced that he actually rescued me.

This might seem like an odd title for a blog post when we have several weeks of 2019 to go. However, recently I came across this tweet that has been nagging at me since I saw it.

Let me be immensely clear. I am not annoyed with the author of this tweet at all. In fact, I really appreciated that he wrote the blog post that he did (you can read it here). I think one of the things that I appreciated so much about his post was how destructive the message of YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING BIG -- THERE IS ONLY SO MUCH TIME LEFT!!!!!! can be to those of us with anxiety.

Truth be told, I have not seen the meme that he referred to. But the idea of that meme even existing has been nagging at me. I thought about it and realized how many big things I have actually accomplished in the last 10 years. Just considering my professional accomplishments, I still have quite a list:
1) I earned my Master's degree in TESOL in 2010
2) I earned National Board Certification in 2013
3) I became part of a Teacher Leadership cohort in 2015
4) I mentored 7 pre-service teachers between 2013 and 2019
5) I earned my Doctorate of Education in 2018
6) I became a certified Restorative Practices Facilitator in 2018
7) I served as a Teacher Leader with Leading Educators in 2018-2019
8) I took a month of my summer in 2019 to coach and work with teachers in Uganda

This doesn't even consider the going above and beyond way I approach my professional life anyway. Not to mention this is only my professional list, it has not a single inkling of anything I have accomplished in my personal life.

I earned letters behind my name in the last ten years (for professional purposes, I do add NBCT, Ed.D. behind my signature in emails and such). I gave back to the profession by supporting incoming teachers. I defend our profession and try to help people see that yes, it is a hard job, but it is the most worthwhile job there is.

I have tried in the last week to figure out WHY the idea of that meme bothered me so much. Again, I'm grateful for the post that brought it to my attention because it allowed me to reflect and grow. I finally realized why it was bothering me. You don't have to earn letters behind your name or have huge professional accomplishments to not feel like you've wasted the last ten years.

I will use my husband as an example (which I'm sure he will love *wink*). He has not earned any degrees. He has not gotten a promotion. He has not taken on leadership roles in his job. So this would mean he has totally wasted the last ten years by the logic of the meme, right? But as I thought on it, I realized this is exactly why the very idea of that meme got under my skin. No, perhaps the Mister hasn't done anything to earn the accolades of other people or make them go WOW, YOU'RE AWESOME. But I'd like to tell you what he HAS accomplished:

1) He has helped raise three incredibly generous, beautiful daughters

2) He has supported the four women in his life as they have pursued their goals

3) He has had a stable and steady income (i.e. not bouncing from job to job) that has allowed me to pursue all of my lofty goals [refer to my crazy list above for said goals]

4) He has been a stable and rock solid person when I have struggled with my mental health coping with my childhood abuse in the last ten years

5) He has been clearheaded and had a vision for our future that I have not always been able to see in terms of saving money and making sure we won't starve or lose the lifestyle we enjoy

6) He has been a fierce protector for me in terms of making sure people from my past who are toxic are not allowed to be around me and/or upset me

By this list, the Mister hasn't really accomplished ANYTHING by the definition set forth by that meme. But I could argue his list is much more important than mine. Sure, I've dedicated my life to supporting other people's kids and giving them an education. That is worthwhile for sure, but I think it is also worthwhile and not a waste of a decade to be a supporter, an advocate, a protector and a champion.

I have struggled with depression and anxiety on and off since February 2010. It's really a manifestation of abuse I dealt with as a child that I didn't acknowledge. I am immensely grateful that my Mister is the stable person he is, because there are times that I am not stable. It doesn't mean I will hurt someone or myself, but my head is not always rational. There have been times I have realized I really have Rational Raye and Irrational Raye. Usually they get along and Rational Raye is in control, but sometimes that isn't true. And the Mister is always there to hold my hand and guide me when Irrational Raye takes over. That is huge. That is an accomplishment that perhaps won't win any accolades or awards, but certainly shows me that the Mister has not wasted these last ten years.

This is a month where most people consider things they are thankful for. It's hard amongst those celebrations to experience a loss.

On November 18, we had to put down our 8 year old chocolate lab, Hershey. In 2014, we had to put down our 10 year old dog, Morgan. It's like losing a child. We had each dog since they were puppies and losing them was not easy either time.

Hershey's passing was incredibly unexpected. A few weeks ago, we noticed a growth on his leg and the vet said it wasn't anything to be super concerned with. We had him on an antibiotic regime for two weeks and thought it would be fine. It wasn't though. In that time, the growth got bigger and turned rock hard. It didn't bother the dog when it was soft and squishy but when it began to harden up, it clearly started to bother him.

My husband took the dog back to the vet last Tuesday and they said it was definitely cancer and that, at best, Hershey had 3-4 months to live. We thought we would at least have him through the holidays. Unfortunately that didn't happen. He deteriorated so fast. He stopped eating well, he was having trouble getting up the back stairs (the only way in and out of the house), he was biting the spot so often we had to put a cone on him and he wouldn't take a treat even though that was always his favorite thing. With heavy hearts, we had to make the decision to do the right thing for him and help him go peacefully.

I've had to do that before and it sucks no matter when or how you have to do it. I've known my husband for 19 years and I can count on one hand (with fingers left) how many times I have seen that man cry. It was so, so hard for us to say goodbye to our beloved companion.

Today was really hard when I woke up and realized there wasn't a dog to actually take outside. It was hard coming home from school and realizing that Hershey wasn't going to be here to greet me when I came in the door.

My heart is heavy and sad and this will surely take some of the happy out of our holidays this year.

I can't believe its been a whole month since I posted! Time is flying by.

I'm adjusting to my new job and schedule and I really enjoy going to work every day. That's such a blessing after being restless and unsettled for so long.

Unbelievably, we are almost through the first quarter! Two more weeks and we will be finishing up the first 9 weeks. I can't believe it. It's been a bit of an adjustment for me working with such a wide range of grades, but I have to admit, I LOVE teaching middle school. It is so much fun and my colleagues are really awesome.

As I have gotten used to what my students' needs are at the middle school level, I have adjusted our days and our schedule. I'm also trying to help them see that they do have some choice and ownership in what we do. They are skeptical because I don't think they've ever been asked what THEY think about something, but I'm trying to empower them and give them that ownership.

We are going to transition into doing some book studies. We will read The Giver first. I absolutely love that book and I have a class of reluctant readers...this is such a thought-provoking story that I am hoping I can entice them into wanting to explore other stories because they realize reading can be fun and enjoyable.

Over the course of the year, we will also be reading The Bridge to Terabithia, Tuck Everlasting and a book I found in our book room called Coach Carter. I am also thinking that in the spring, as we gear up for WIDA, we will read The Westing Game because it's a good murder mystery and I think they will enjoy it.

We are not starting our first novel study until the 2nd quarter (November 4)  so that I have time to flesh out the way that I'd like to lay out the novel study for the class. I'm really excited for it and hope that they enjoy the story as much as I do.

We have successfully completed two weeks of this school year. That seems so crazy to me! It's passing in a blur but also feels like we've been at it for awhile because of the routines I've tried to set.

I am a creature of habit and I thrive on routines. I know that my students always have too, even if they don't realize it. I try to keep my daily routine as similar as possible to help establish a schedule that works for me.

This year, of course, it's a little different because I am in two schools. I spend three mornings per week at my elementary building and then after lunch I travel to the middle school (I'm there 5th and 6th hour every day). Two days per week I am at the middle school all day. I was a little nervous about the schedule because I thought it might make it hard for me to get into a good routine, but I have been given a lot of freedom to make this position work for me, and thus I think that has helped me to establish a workable schedule more easily.

Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays are my travel days. We have late starts on Tuesdays and I thought it would just be easier to be at the middle school those days since that is the hourly schedule I follow.

A typical Monday/Wednesday/Friday for me will look like this:
5:30 am Wake up, Shower & Prep for School
6:30 am Leave the house for school
7:20 am Arrive at the elementary
7:30-8:30 am Elementary Planning time (Note: I take this time first thing in the morning since they don't start until 8:25 and it allows me to still follow the secondary time table.)
8:30-8:55 am Push in Kindergarten
8:55-9:35 am Push in First Grade (20 minutes each in two classrooms)
9:35-10:05 am 2nd Grade Writing*
10:05-10:30 am Push in 4th Grade
10:30-11:15 am Flexible (Testing, Paperwork, Make up Small Groups, etc)
11:15-11:45 am 3rd Grade Writing*
11:45-12:15 pm Lunch
12:15-12:45 pm Travel & Transition
12:48-1:47 pm 5th hour (I use this time to float around and offer support to any of my ELs who don't have a dedicated time during the week, including students I don't have in my 6th hour class but are on my caseload.)
1:51-2:50 pm 6th hour ESL Class**
2:50-3:10 pm Prep for the Next Day
3:10-4:15 pm Gym (Typically Tuesday/Wednesday/Thursday)
4:15-5:00 pm Travel Home

*I'm only pulling out for two grades: 2nd and 3rd (convenient since that is what I taught last year!). This is because the EL students in those two grades are spread across multiple classrooms and with the schedule I have, it wasn't feasible to try to push in (one day a week of push in is not helpful). So I will be leading two small groups of writing activities 3 days per week with those two grades. The other grades, I am supporting all for writing as well, but since the students are grouped more easily into one class (or as with 1st grade where I can do 20 minutes each), it serves us all better for me to offer push in support with the teacher's current lesson.

**My ESL class is 6th-8th grade (so yes I do start my day with the smallest kids in kinder and end it with kids in 8th grade!). It's a small class of only 15 to allow room for any new students who come during the year.  This class is basically whatever I want to make it as long as we are working within the WIDA and CCSS.

A typical Tuesday/Thursday for me will look like this:
5:30 am Wake up, Shower & Prep for School
6:30 am Leave the house for school
7:10 am Arrive at the Middle School
7:10-7:45 am Prep for the Day/Finalize Schedule
7:45-9:05 am 1st Hour (I spend this time supporting a 6th grade newcomer in his ELA class)
9:09-10:08 am 2nd Hour (I spend this time floating between my other students whom I don't have a dedicated spot for; this means every time is a little different)
10:12-11:11 am 3rd Hour (I spend this time supporting a 7th grade newcomer in his ELA class)
11:11-11:41 am Lunch
11:44-12:44 pm 4th Hour (Planning) [Note it's 60 minutes due to the lunch periods]
12:48-1:47 pm 5th Hour (I spend this time supporting another 7th grade newcomer in his ELA class)
1:51-2:50 pm 6th Hour ESL Class
2:50-3:10 pm Prep for the Next Day
3:10-4:15 pm Gym (Typically Tuesday/Wednesday/Thursday)
4:15-5:00 pm Travel Home

I really love my schedule. This past week I gave it a whirl and it worked out great. It definitely keeps me on my toes and I am moving around all day long. That is exactly the kind of change I think I was looking for when I started pursuing another job.

Plus, I have to admit that I love that I still have my foot in elementary but I am not confined to teaching the same kids all day for all subjects. The variety I have in my new job is exciting and it's really quite nice to have an excuse to visit other classrooms and see how other teachers set things up. (And I'm not going to lie, the fact that I no longer have to deal with recess, indoors or out, is a huge bonus! I'm all about kids getting outside, but I hated recess duty.)

I am really quite pleased with my schedule and my new end time allows me to hit the gym after work three days per week and still get home at a decent enough hour that I can spend time with my family without feeling like I'm always rushing for the next day. In addition, having a dedicated planning block every day is fabulous. (In my previous job, we had 3 planning blocks per week and they varied in length from 35, 40 or 48 minutes.) Having a dedicated hour every day is AWESOME and I get so much done at work that I'm not having to drag things home. Thus my evenings can be dedicated to family which is how it should be.

It's insane that we've already had two days of school. Granted the first day was a 1/2 day, but still.

I'm slowly learning my schedule and routine and it's a bit weird for me. I'm so used to being in the same place all day with the same students. I have to admit, I am LOVING the variety in my day, but trying to figure out schedules has been a tad daunting. (I'm quite positive that in another couple of weeks, I won't even have to bat an eye...in the meantime, however, I am making myself a cheat sheet because I'm sure that our first late start day is really going to throw me for a loop!)

Today was the first full day of school and also my first day traveling between my two buildings. I woke up super early this morning for some random reason. I fully expected that to happen the night before the first day, but I slept like a baby (has never happened in 14 years!). The second night, nope. I was wide awake at 4 am and no matter what I did, I could not fall back to sleep. I finally got out of bed and hopped in the shower at 5.

I left early enough to be able to stop at my middle school and drop off and pick up a couple of things before heading to my elementary. I'm so used to being the first one at school and when I got there at 6:45 am there were other folks there. I was impressed (especially because in my previous district, I was always told that secondary people "work to contract, no more, no less"). Waved hello to a couple of folks then took off to run an errand (yes at 7 am!) and then headed to my elementary and still got there 10 minutes before I was required to be there :)

My first hour of the day is planning so I was able to sort through the data I already had and do some calculating. We had some shifting of classrooms last week, just before we opened up school, so I had to figure out where some of my students landed. That was easy enough to do and then I was able to actually meet with and touch base with some of the other staff whom I hadn't had a chance to really talk to or introduce myself to. Looked through new kindergarten enrollment forms and found a few friends I will need to screen next week. (I'm sure there are more because it doesn't appear that all of the forms were in yet as they come from central office.)

I did some other scheduling and arranging and checking emails and answering emails. I also had a chance to touch base with my mentor. We share a family so that was nice to be able to connect with her about them and making sure that we have everything in place for those students.

I also got to finally finish putting up the bulletin board paper and borders on my closets (it had this really weird, old and ugly wallpaper on it) and create my Content and Language objectives area on the whiteboard. It's a big enough space that I can actually just write my CO & LO for each grade at the same time. I have some of those magnets that show a pointing finger so I figure when I have a specific grade in there, I will just move the pointer to the correct grade and voila. :)

Before I knew it, it was time for lunch and then traveling over to the middle school. The drive isn't that bad right now because the weather is nice, but it could get interesting when the weather changes. I am definitely going to have to plan ahead. It might actually be prudent for me to travel THEN eat on those days. (I taught elementary school for 13 years, I am definitely used to eating a meal in under 10 minutes if I have to!)

The only dedicated class I have is 6th hour. This class did not exist last year because there wasn't enough staffing to have a dedicated class (they had two ESL teachers in the district last year and now we have three). It's a mix of 6th-8th grade and some of the 8th graders, who slipped by not having to have this class last year because it didn't exist, are a little annoyed that they have to be in there instead of a "specials" class (like gym or art or the STEM classes). Alas, I am just going to keep it as positive as I can!

Part of me feels bad for them and I certainly understand their frustration...but it is what it is and there is nothing I can do about it. I think it will get better for them when we get started with some real curriculum work -- when they are busy and engaged, it [hopefully] won't feel like they are being punished!

I do have a quite a wide range of students in there too, including three newcomers to the USA. Differentiation is going to be essential! I do have some FROG games that I purchased last year and I think they might even work for my middle schoolers. I am going to ask them tomorrow if they would like to earn game time on Fridays because it would allow them to practice some of the grammar concepts but they ARE games and who doesn't like games?!

As much as I know some of those kids are upset to be in the class (or at least are annoyed), I do believe that once they realize we CAN have fun and learn at the same time, it will be a good class. They have a ton of potential. I told them my goal is really to work myself out of a job -- to have them all do so well on the WIDA this year that they don't need me anymore. We shall see if I can motivate them to get to that point :)

Well, here we are.

It is the eve of the eve of the first day of school for 2019!

I am so excited for this year. I've made some big changes and thus far, all signs point to those changes being for the good.

I am always a nervous wreck the night before school. I'm positive that tomorrow won't be any different. I'm not nervous because I worry that I'm not a good or effective teacher. I mean, I feel like I know what I'm doing at this point, but I certainly still have those freak out moments of "what if they all hate me? What if I can't remember their names? What if I really can't connect with middle schoolers?!" [I know this last one is untrue because I've worked with middle schoolers in summer school and I seemed to connect just fine with the 8th graders I was helping at open house to get their IDs.]

I will tell you something I am absolutely NOT worried about. I am not worried that I won't fit in at my new district. I am not worried that I can't be myself. I am not worried that people will think I am trying to be something I am not. In every conversation I have had, from the other teachers to some of the support staff to a couple of principals, I have feel welcomed, supported and listened to.

On Thursday, I laid bare a few of my fears to one of my principals. I admitted it's my 14th year teaching, but I feel a bit like a first year teacher because so much is new. He was so gracious and said he thought that was normal but that everyone would help with any questions I have. And so far, they have.

I can't remember the last time I was this excited for a school year to begin. Partly because this is a brand new role for me and I get to kind of feel it out and make it my own, which is really exciting. But also partly because it has already been proven to me that I will be supported, appreciated and looked at as a member of the team.

I know the role I'm  in has had many iterations over the last few years because there were only two ESL teachers. Now that we have 3, the roles can include more co-teaching and support than it could previously. In some conversations with teachers at my middle school, I've mentioned that I probably would be visiting their classes if we share students. Not one single person gave me any indication that it would be a problem. In fact, they welcomed the idea. "Come on in anytime!" was the most common response.

I've spent some time this weekend putting together a spreadsheet of the schedules I do have. (One of my first tasks this week is to get a copy of the schedules of my students who aren't in my EL class but are on my caseload.) This way I can set up a schedule for pushing in to best support the students AND the teachers.

I was speaking to a science teacher at the end of our training on Thursday morning. I mentioned something about what I want my role to be. I said something about possibly helping teachers to make language objectives to help the EL students and said, "and honestly as long as I know what your objective is, *I* can make those language objectives and I'd be happy to do so." She seemed really thrilled with that and I suspect the other staff will respond the same way.

I'm sad to say I have never experienced such a positive culture in a school before. Ever. Now that I have, it really strikes me and gives me pause. I am not here to badmouth my previous experiences -- every school and team taught me something. I was there for a purpose in that moment in time. However, I'm also not going to lie and say that I don't see the major differences in my previous experiences and this one. Truly the culture is just different.

Every day something happens that makes me feel even more grateful that I made this move. So while I also know that tomorrow night I will probably be sweating bullets as the first day approaches, I also know I am going into a position that is going to allow me to be the teacher and leader I want to be.

It is officially back to school tomorrow! I've been in meetings the whole last week, but tomorrow is the first official staff day for everyone.

Needless to say, things have been incredibly busy and there has been a ton to learn. Each day this last week, except Wednesday, I attended a full day of professional development to get acclimated to my new district. The good news is, I have used and am familiar with their math series, and both the science and social studies curriculums they use. That takes a ton of pressure off because while I may not have used the most recent versions of any of these programs, I at least have some background in them and won't feel like I'm totally a fish out of water trying to figure out what is happening. This is really important to me since I will be working with and supporting 9 grade levels!

The writing program is one I have not used (or heard of), but is focused around Thinking Maps which I am very familiar with so I'm hopeful that it'll be pretty easy for me to use. (To be fair, I probably won't be doing much direct teaching with it, more like supporting the ELs who need the extra support.)

The reading program is new for everyone except one of the schools that piloted it last year, so everyone is in the same boat with that. As I am between two schools and likely won't actually do much with the new reading program, I am only attending one day of the 3 day reading training (my other two days will be with the middle school staff).

Of course, with all of this PD and the setting up of classroom spaces, things can get overwhelming fast. I vastly appreciate how open everyone has been and all of the information I have been given to help me navigate my new schools. But, being totally honest, it is also really overwhelming to get all of that information! I think this is especially true for those of us who have more than one school and are new. We are trying to figure out what we are doing but things aren't all the same in each school. [I will say I am vastly grateful that there is a lot of expectation of consistency across the whole district. Everyone is expected to use CHAMPS and there are protocols for email and things that just make sense and I'm so glad they are in place. It makes it easier to have some things be universal across every school, especially because there are so many staff members who travel.]

That said, however, it is important to not forget about self care during these busy times. I read somewhere recently that our bodies WILL react if we don't stop and slow down. I can wholeheartedly testify to that truth. When I finished my doctorate, I couldn't read professional books for MONTHS and I had a visceral response to sitting in my home office because my body/brain was like nope, not doing this anymore.

As busy as last week was, and this next week is surely to be, I have found some ways to continue to take care of myself, both in the present moment and in anticipation for what is to come.

For the past many years, Sunday has always been our "chores" day. It is when we do the laundry and grocery shop for the week. It also tends to be the day I finish up anything I need to do for school. Needless to say, Sundays have usually been the exact opposite of relaxing.

Yesterday I made sure we did all of the laundry, we meal planned and then went grocery and back-to-school shopping for the teenagers. It was a busy day for sure. I also made sure to plan out outfits for the next to weeks of work and arranged them in order in my closet so I don't have to worry about it later. I made a schedule for my work days and included time to go to the gym and have down time. By the time I went to bed on Saturday night, I knew that Sunday would be much more easy-going because I took care of myself and pre-planned so many things I could easily get out of the way so they didn't feel so daunting on top of the official start back to work.

Today I also did some meal preparation of breakfast items so I can easily grab and go in the mornings. (I highly recommend the Skinnytaste cook book as there are some great make ahead and grab-on-the-go options for busy mornings!)

Every single year, I forget how utterly exhausting it can be to get a classroom set up for the new year.

What's most interesting to me right now is the fact that I won't be in either of my spaces full time, but I'm still plumb exhausted. It is a good sort of exhaustion! I love setting up a learning environment for myself and my students. I love making it my own and then adding in touches of work and learning I've done with the students.

This year, because I am an ESL teacher, I won't have the same students all day every day. I will have a classroom at my elementary school and at the middle school. So two spaces to set up and prepare for learning. My elementary space I know for sure is not shared with anyone else (the school is gigantic and there are many empty rooms). The middle school space is unclear to me if it is shared. I was told at first that it is not, but then I got an email saying it might be necessary and I have not yet heard back to know if it is, indeed, having to be shared.

It is a big and beautiful space and selfishly I hope I don't have to share it, but nothing I can do if I do have to share because I know that the middle school is overcrowded now since 6th grade came back to that building.

At any rate, I also have to say I LOVE the fact that I can access my schools 24/7. I was never allowed to do that. Mostly I appreciated it because it forced me to take time off and relax and focus on myself and family. There were times, however, when it was really annoying. When my kids were small and I couldn't pop in on a Sunday evening to prepare for a sub knowing I wasn't going to be there on Monday so I had to go in early just to go home so my students would have a productive day. (This was also true any other day of the week!)

Of course, having access 24/7 can be dangerous because sometimes its too tempting to be there because there are always more things to be done. It's the nature of the beast. Fortunately, my new district is 45 minutes away so I won't be popping over on weekends very often! I do like having the option to go in, however, if I really need the time/space to work.

I got my keys on Wednesday and got to see both of my spaces and Friday I went to my elementary school and began setting things up. I'm not sure how long the previous teacher had been in there but it was clearly a long time. She took nothing with her. (I mean, I found silverware and other personal effects!) I spent a good deal of time purging, sorting and putting things I just don't know what to do with in closets. Fortunately, I have a ton of storage space in there so I am utilizing two closets and the other two and the big storage cart are housing things I just didn't know what to do with or where to put it. It's a solution for now. As the year goes on, I will purge and clean bits at a time.

I went back in Saturday (yep, on Saturday!) with my family. They helped me move in my big furniture items (small group table and my rocking chair) that I knew would be too heavy for me to move on my own. I also brought in some teaching materials that I have, plus desk and teacher organizational items. My youngest stuck around yesterday to help me finish up what I could.

There is a huge pile of tables and garbage that has to be removed (and I feel bad for the custodians), but otherwise the space is more or less functional. I do still need to replace the bulletin board paper and do a little decorating but I'm not as concerned with that since I won't have students in there all day every day.

The next big thing I need to do is figure out my tech cabinet and projector. It's so different than what I have had before so I have to spend some time figuring that out so I can use it once I do have students in there.

I'm excited for the space, though. It's big and open and with really only doing testing and small groups in there, I have a ton of open space and I love that.

This week I have meetings Monday-Tuesday and Thursday-Friday that was offered for teachers new to the district. Some of it I probably know (the math curriculum is one I used for 11 years!) but I am unfamiliar with the science/social studies/writing programs they use so I'm excited to learn about those. There are also a couple of half day trainings on Kagan and CHAMPs, both of which I've never had training in so I'm excited for those.

Wednesday is my only open day and I'm hopeful to know by then if that middle school space is solely mine or has to be shared. I want to get in there and make it mine if I don't actually have to share it and Wednesday is really the only day in which I will have to do that. I have a really nice standing desk at home that would go perfectly in that room.

I'm glad I'm the kind of teacher who enjoys setting up learning spaces because otherwise it might be kind of annoying to have two spaces to set up...but truthfully I am so glad I do. Especially that middle school space, it is beyond amazing. By far the best room I've ever had. (That's why I'm so hopeful it is just for me!)

Stay tuned for pictures of my final setups!