Over the last several years, I have been pretty restless in my work. I thought that changing grades would help. I was still restless. I thought that changing schools would help. I was still restless. 

So for the first time in 13 years, I have been seriously job hunting. There are many reasons for it, none of which include my students. This has been, by far, the sweetest class I have ever had. Of course they have their days (who doesn't?) but they make going to work fun. 

Alas, I knew I needed a real change. I was not into teaching a split again next year and that's what I was assigned to. I took that as my sign that I needed to do something drastically different. Thus, I began a job hunt. 

I haven't had a real interview in so long. I would argue that even the interview I had for my transfer to my current school wasn't really an interview. Not compared to the interviews I have been on recently. 

On April 30, I had an interview in a district very close to where I currently work. Looking back on it, it was pretty awkward and stifling. They weren't welcoming, they didn't appear all that friendly and I left there feeling really weird about it. That same night, I applied for another couple of jobs in a district a bit farther away.  The job description was really appealing. I told my husband the job description really should. have read "Raye, please apply for this job" because it fit me to a T.  The very next day, on May 1, I got a phone call from them! 

They did an impromptu phone interview right then. They asked me some really deep and thoughtful questions. I was quite impressed by their thoroughness. One of the questions they asked me was what I would do if stakeholders wanted me to keep the status quo but I knew it wasn't in the best interest of my students. I said "if you're asking me if I will push back against any and everyone in order to do what is right for my students, my answer will always be yes." I then went on to explain that my advocacy for my students has not always been appreciated (in fact I've had some principals who downright hated that about me), but I don't care. It's not about me. It is about what is right for kids. Period. They must've liked that because they invited me in for another interview!

I do not like the interview process. I always feel so nervous and awkward. But I have to say that this district made me feel SO welcomed and at ease. Their questions were wonderful and very thorough. As nervous as I was, I felt so good and confident sitting there with them. They put me at ease, laughed with me (when I said I didn't become a teacher for the fame and the glamorous pay) and were just so much more friendly than the place I had been the previous week. Amazing how vastly different districts/schools can be. 

A couple of days went by and I got a phone call inviting me to do a demo lesson! I was so excited but so nervous. The demo lesson would be with high school. I am an elementary teacher by trade so it was a big step! (This is an ESL teaching position so all grades K-12 which is why the demo was at that level.)  I prepped all weekend and fretted over the lesson because I am so not a high school teacher! They kind of scare me because they are so tall! 

I did a close reading lesson using the lyrics from the song "A Change is Gonna Come" by Sam Cooke. The students stared at me for the first several minutes and then I told them that THEY were scary to ME because I teach small fries. That made everyone in the room laugh and then the kids opened up. I actually had a lot of fun teaching those big students! 

On Tuesday I got a phone call that they were ready to check my references. Basically as long as those panned out, the job would be mine! Two (incredibly long) days later [because I am impatient], I got my official offer via email! So grateful, blessed and excited for a new opportunity.

I have felt so restless being in the same four-walls of my own classroom for the last few years. I think this ESL position will be a perfect change for me because I will be working in multiple schools, with multiple teachers and a variety of students who need support with their language development. Guaranteed that every day will be different because I probably won't be in the same school two days in a row (I mean I could be, but it doesn't sound like I will be). I'm going to get to meet and collaborate with so many people and I think that will also help me to continue to grow and learn as an educator. What more could a person ask for? 

I think it is really easy for people to judge other people's jobs. For example, it is super easy for a teacher to say "well if *I* was the principal, I would have done _____" or for a principal to say "well if I was the director, I would have done _______." 

We aren't always privy to the vast amount of information that goes into someone else's decisions. I think my students probably feel that way often too. They don't understand that when I make a choice in our classroom, I have considered every angle I can think of and made the best choice with the information that I had available to me at that time. It doesn't always make people happy, but it's also necessary to make those "executive decisions" sometimes.

In the last couple of years, I have continued to lament that I do NOT want to be a principal (yes, that is capitalized, bolded and underlined to really emphasize how much I was like no no no!). What's really funny is that other people have told me for years that I should be a formal leader because I am so good with people. I have doubted that in myself because sometimes I don't make the best decision, sometimes I let my emotions lead me. Interestingly, someone recently told me that knowing that about myself is why I should pursue formal leadership. She said, "Being authentic and vulnerable about your own weaknesses will speak to people. They won't feel like they have to be perfect for you because you are willing to admit to yourself and those around you, that you aren't perfect." 

Truthfully, I hadn't really considered that before. A few years ago in one of my courses for my doctoral program, we had to create a leadership ladder. I know I saved that file, but I am unable to locate it at the moment. I do remember that we had to put our leadership priorities upward meaning the least important was at the bottom and as you "climbed the ladder" they got more important to you. I remember when I turned mine in, my professor was surprised at the choices I had made in terms of the order I had put them in. I know vulnerability and transparency were toward the top.

All these years later, as I have engaged in teacher leadership work, in two different schools, I feel even more strongly that these areas are the key to good leadership. It's easy to say we are transparent, but I think it's also important to recognize when other people do not think we are being as transparent as we say we are. It's a fine line. I haven't had to dance that line, but I know that I will and I really hope I don't lose sight of what is has been like to be in the teacher's seat and feel like you were misled or that someone wasn't honest with you. 

A very dear friend of mine and I have had many conversations about possibly pursuing leadership opportunities. One thing she voiced was that she was afraid she would get to that position and forget what it felt like to be the teacher and that's why she hasn't pursued formal leadership such as an assistant principal or principal position. I have to admit I have that fear too.

I wish I could sit here and type this and say that I have always been treated fairly, that every administrator I have ever worked for has been 100% honest and up front about everything. But if I said that, I would be lying. I'm not a liar. To be fair, I have worked with some really amazing administrators. I have also worked for some who are not honest or transparent in their decisions or they say things that they can't really follow through on and I don't ever want to be like that. These behaviors simply lead to distrust and feeling like you aren't really valued. You can repeat over and over that you value someone, but the actions you take will be what shows those people if they really are valued. 

Again, I do not pretend to know everything that has to go behind an administrator's decision and unless I have the exact same information and frame of reference as the person making the decisions, I probably wouldn't make the same choices. However, I do think that as I look to transition from a classroom to a formal leadership role, that I want to keep that at my forefront. I never want to treat someone in a way that I wouldn't want to be treated. We are all human beings first. We all have feelings and emotions and battle scars. We have to be honest, respectful and truthful. 

I vow that as I pursue opportunities that will allow me to make a larger impact than in just one classroom with four walls, that I do not lose sight of who I really am and who I really want to be. I read a story about a man who stuck to his morals because he said once you compromise who you are, even if its just once, you're now someone who can be compromised. That has never left my mind. I don't want to be someone who can be compromised. I want to be someone who is always genuine, honest and vulnerable. 

It has been years (and years) since I have actually gone on Spring Break. In 2018, I spent my Spring Break freaking out about the statistical test I needed for my dissertation so I could finish on time. Needless to say, it was not relaxing at all!

Fortunately, this year was not full of statistical tests that made my head spin. Instead, my family was able to travel to the Myrtle Beach, South Carolina area for the week. We rented a condo (through www.dunes.com which I highly recommend! They were awesome and made it seamless) and made the decision to drive as plane tickets for four of us was more than we were wanting to spend on a vacation.

I could live at the beach. Unfortunately for me, I'm too liberal to be a transplanted Southern Belle, but I could pretend if it meant I could see the ocean every day :) There is just something about the sound of those waves crashing that speaks to me. Our condo was right on the beach so out the bedroom window we had a view of the ocean (my teenagers weren't so lucky; their view was the stairwell :|). 

​I took so many walks on that beach over the course of the week that I lost count of how many times I did it.  Of course, it was also necessary to take some "walking along the beach" selfies to prove to everyone that I actually did it! 

There was a lovely ice cream shop down the beach about a half mile from our condo that we enjoyed a couple of times. We also took two trips to Myrtle Beach itself (we stayed about 20 minutes away) and that was fun. It's definitely a tourist town, but we enjoyed ourselves immensely. We went to the Ripley's Auditorium, two state parks and a zoo while we were there. The one rainy day we had, we enjoyed a movie together as a family.

It was the reset I needed, for sure! As we return to school tomorrow, testing season begins and I need to be on my game for that so that my students will be too. ​​

I've realized something important: I have a voice and a platform that many people do not have. It is unwise and irresponsible of me not to use this platform as a way to share my own battle and fight with depression and anxiety. I know I am not alone. I know that hundreds of thousands of people deal with depression and anxiety every single day. Many people feel so burdened with these disabilities that they choose to end their lives. I am not a medical expert. I am not a healthcare professional. I am not a licensed therapist.

I am, however, a human being who has suffered at the hands of depression. I am someone who has blanketed myself in self-hatred and self-loathing. It's hard. It's not an easy road. I think that finally, at 40 years old, I have shed that debilitating mindset and found a way to love myself and love myself first. Flaws and all, I am me and I need to be proud of that. 

When I was young, I was abused. Emotionally and physically. Those scars have followed me my entire life. I internalized that trauma by coming to the conclusion that something was wrong with me. Why else would these terrible things be happening? I was also brainwashed into hiding it. (We don't talk about this and no one would believe you anyway.) I do not share this because I want you to feel sorry for me. I share it because this set up a life time of self-hatred, self doubt and extremely low self-esteem for me. I also know I am not the only person in the world who has been affected at length by someone else's words.

The most ironic thing is, many people who know me would tell you I am completely full of myself and think I'm better than other people. I don't and never have. However, people have taken my push and drive to be better and prove to myself that I'm worthwhile and enough to mean that I'm competing against them. No. In reality, I've just been trying to silence the voice in my head that said I sucked and wasn't worth anything. 

Recently someone shared this graphic on Facebook and I was floored. 

(Note: I  don't know who made it so I can't give proper credit. If you know where this originated, please let me know so I can give them credit.) 

I think what struck me the most about this graphic is how true it is. In November, 2018, if someone passed me in the hallway at work or saw me somewhere else and they asked how I was, I would have lied through my teeth and told them I was fine. I wasn't. I was fighting a major internal battle with myself. I was full of self-loathing and literally just going through the motions as anxiety and depression waged its war on me. 

Today if I said it, I wouldn't be lying. But how would you know the difference if I didn't just tell you? You wouldn't. And that's the crux of it. 

We never know what someone else's story is. I really hesitated to share on the blog here before because this blog is linked to every professional venue I've attached my name to. Did I really want every future employer or business partner to see my struggles? Not really, but I also realized, again, that I have the gift of the platform(s) I use to be able to share and let people know they aren't alone. 

From the outside, most people would likely believe I've lived a privileged life. I certainly have had some great things happen to me, but I have also suffered. Most of the time that suffering happened in silence. I would imagine most people who suffer deeply don't share and that's why mental health is at such a critical place. We have to use our experiences, raise our voices and share so that others know they aren't alone, that there is support out there and that they can get through it. 

I think of global icons like Robin Williams and Kate Spade, two incredibly important people in our world who succumbed to their depression. With they money at their disposal, they certainly had the ability seek help, but no one knew they were suffering until they had chosen to take their lives. 

We have to speak up, we have to speak out. We have to practice self-love, self-care and make mental health a conversation we speak to our children, our spouses, our lovers, our neighbors, our friends. It has to become normal to share our struggles so that people don't have to go to extreme measures to try to end their suffering. 

I think that for me, it does come down to love. Self-love to be specific. I have spent most of my life hating myself. Hating what I thought I had allowed to be done to me...but working through my trauma with a licensed professional, I finally realized that I had to love myself before I could really expect anyone else to love me. It has been a long road and it hasn't always been an easy one.

​When we were counting down to 2019, I wrote about my One Word for 2019. The word I selected was renewal. I even warned people that I was probably going to make them mad because I was going to learn how to say no when previously I always said yes. In my quest to matter, to make a difference and be seen as enough, I always said yes. 

The problem with always saying yes (well, one of the problems) is that when you are always saying yes to everyone else, you're always saying no to yourself. And I vowed that was going to end. 

In the 2 1/2 months of 2019, I can safely say I have made some people upset. I have stood firm and said "no" when I didn't believe in the work or knew I was being asked to do something on my own time that wasn't necessary. Work has gone unfinished and guess what? The world hasn't ended. Alongside of that ability to say no and set boundaries, I have found some inner peace. Alongside of that inner peace, I have found the ability to love myself. To accept that what I do contribute is enough and that I do not have to be everyone's (or anyone's) hero or savior. I just have to wake up every day and be the best version of myself I can be. That's all I can promise anyone I can be from day to day. 

I am pretty stoked to write this post and say I will be spending a month in Uganda this summer! Talk about amazing professional development!

Last year (2018), a very dear friend of mine told me he was going to be in Tanzania for the month of July. To say I was green with envy is the understatement of the century. I was quite jealous and loved seeing his social media posts of his time there. I knew it was definitely going to be a bucket list item for me for some day. 

Well, some day came faster than I thought it would. On Saturday, February 9, I just happened to be browsing through social media and one of the pages I follow on Facebook posted a link for LRTT and their summer fellowships. Little did I know that clicking that link was going to change my life. 

When I realized this was something very similar to what my friend had done (not knowing at the time that it is the same company), I immediately filled out the application. Within a couple of hours I had a phone call from them asking me to set up an interview with the team leader. Of course I accepted. I was quite pleased to be told they often do not get applicants who have the credentials or years of experience that I have. I hoped this would be a leg-up for me. 

The following Tuesday, I had an interview with one of the team leaders. I hate to call it an interview because it was pretty informal and she was super nice and down to earth. Alas, that's what they call it -- they have to be sure the person on the other end of the application isn't crazy or going to try to be the boss of the applesauce or whatever. She let me know that she would be sharing my interview with the other team leader and they would let me know within 48 hours.

The following day, I had a phone call from the other team leader welcoming me aboard. I can't lie....I am BEYOND excited. Yes, it will be nerve-wrecking to leave my family for a month, but this is an opportunity of a lifetime. Summers 2020 and 2021 are going to be packed full of graduation and college stuff as my two littles (who are not little anymore!) graduate high school and leave me an empty nester. This is really the best possible time for me to do this. 

One of the questions that I was asked was what did I hope to gain from this experience...and I flat out said this is probably not an answer you'd expect from someone who has the credentials and experience that I have, but I expect quite honestly to gain some humility. In the USA, we like to gripe that we have it so bad when it comes to teaching (and don't get me wrong -- there is a lot to be desired in our profession as far as how we are respected and how we are paid), but we don't have 60 students in a classroom with very minimal resources like is the norm there. 

Every US teacher knows our classrooms are mostly teacher funded. But if you are like me and work in a Title 1 school, you DO get access to other materials and resources and of course, my current school is 1:1 with iPads which opens up a whole different scenario compared to folks who have little to no technology. In fact, I would argue that (at least where I am) we have money that is spent on resources that end up sitting in a closet or on a shelf because there is such a sense of urgency to spend the money or lose it that decisions are often made haphazardly rather than with input from the people who are expected to use it. 

Truth be told, I love teaching. Despite the ups and downs of being an educator, I can't imagine doing anything else with my life. But I also realize my time in a classroom is probably coming to an end -- I want to make a bigger impact than I can make in one classroom with 20-30 kids (and yes that is a range I've experienced, even in the last 5 years!). I want to coach teachers and support them as they support their students. And this experience is going to give me such a wonderful perspective in reaching those goals. 

Some day I will probably be a principal or a school leader of some kind. In the meantime, I would really love to do more work with coaching. As I get more involved with Leading Educators and helping provide PD to my colleagues, it just fuels this for me -- the gains we are seeing across our school this year are phenomenal and I have no doubt it is in part due to the PD we are focusing on. Working with OUR kids and OUR situation and then making adjustments to our instruction within those parameters. It's pretty awesome to help teachers realize they can do so much more than they think with the resources they have.

There is a lot of red tape to work through as I prepare for this amazing opportunity (vaccines, visas, etc) but I am excited. I think it is going to give me such a renewed sense of purpose and excitement for the work I do every day. I can't wait to see how I grow alongside their students and teachers. 

This has been the weirdest school year, ever. First of all, I started as a third grade inclusion teacher. Then due to some shuffling with numbers, I shifted to a 2nd/3rd grade split without inclusion. Now, as we hit that sweet spot of the year when the kids are well ingrained in the routines and are really flying along...Mother Nature got an attitude.

Last week, we had a historic entire week off because of snow and the Polar Vortex that hit the midwest. That has never happened in our district, ever. In fact, most of the time we don't even get inclement weather days (last school year we had 0). The week off last week put us at 7 days off for inclement weather, total. Crazy!

​And then Mother Nature decided to get an attitude again and hit us with some ice. So no school yesterday or today. It's insanity. 

Alas, it has me thinking. There has to be a better system for how to really engage kids in learning when we do have weather days. During the week off last week, I sent a message on Dojo with some things for the kids to do. But I don't know how many of the parents actually shared those activities with their children. 

What if we expected kids to log into [whatever school portal] on inclement weather days to do some learning? Obviously this learning would not take place of a teacher actually providing instruction, but more than simply saying "read a book." (Don't get me wrong, reading is awesome for practice, but I'm thinking deeper and of more.) But there has to be a way to engage our kids away from school in a meaningful way that won't be a ton of work for a teacher to prepare and will help students to continue to practice skills when they are away unexpectedly.

Of course there will be people who whine and complain and say it isn't reasonable. Or they will say not everyone can do the work from home. There are always exceptions to everything - just like we have students who literally sit in our classrooms and it's like pulling teeth to get them to do anything. 

I guess my theory is...if this was the expectation - that an inclement weather day didn't just automatically mean you get a free day off - parents and students would likely rise to it. I would expect parents would be grateful for something for their children to do, especially when multiple days in a row have to be called.

I'm thinking especially of my own two teenagers. In the last 15 school days (counting tomorrow), they have only been in school 4 days, if they go tomorrow it would be 5 out of 15 days. They do have district issued technology that they bring home every day. WHY, then, aren't they getting some assignments through those devices? They haven't gotten a single thing. 

Perhaps I'm alone in my thinking, but I find that to be ludicrous. We should expect more of ourselves than that. We live in a cold state that sometimes has harsh winters - we need to find ways to help our kids continue to practice and be engaged in learning, even if we aren't at school. I'm not talking 6 hours of work for them on those days. No. Perhaps 60-75 minutes of meaningful practice tasks that can be assigned to allow them to continue to practice what has been taught and refine skills that they are struggling with. 

Definitely some food for thought for me as I put together my plans for my future school. I just do not see a reason why when there are multiple days off in a row that students aren't expected to have some meaningful intellectual work to do. 

Something I have always prided myself on is my ability to be reflective. I am one of those annoying teachers who can always rethink a lesson and determine at least one way that I can make it better the next time that I teach it. I am admittedly skeptical of people who are unable to do that reflection. Even the best lesson of your life can always be improved, especially when there is enough time and distance between the actual lesson and the reflection. When you've had more processing time, you tend to realize you could have done several things different ways or included more of [whatever it is]. 

It's been a bit of a whirlwind since we returned to school after winter break. I thoroughly enjoyed my downtime but once January 7 hit, it was immediately hitting the ground running with tons to do.  It can be overwhelming. I have continued my practice of daily reflection and meditation [Pssst...check out my review of the Intentional Educator Reflection Journal], but things can still get overwhelming sometimes. Then something happens and when you reflect on it, it makes you realize that you are on the path you are meant to be on. 

Earlier this week we had a Student Success Team Meeting (you might know it as Child Study). This is basically a time when teachers can bring forward students who they have concerns with, either academically or behaviorally or both, and the school team meets and determines some interventions to try. Then we meet periodically again to see if there are improvements or adjustments need to be made. Sometimes this results in a student being tested for special education services but it doesn't always need to go that far. 

Early in the year this particular student of mine was on the list from last year. I was actually pretty surprised because he is a delightful little boy who really seemed to like school. [He had been brought up by his 2nd grade teacher; no concerns noted in 1st grade or kindergarten.] Through the course of the meeting and looking through the notes on his file, I saw some things that really surprised me. We had a meeting in October and I was really surprised hearing from mom and dad (whom I had met and really connected with previously in the year) about what had occurred the previous year. Truly this was not a child I would have ever brought forward for SST if he hadn't already been on the list. 

Both of his parents came to the meeting this week and they both praised me for the "positive influence" I have had on their son. To the point that I actually teared up a bit. I pointed out that I am tough on the kids because I can see their future in a way they cannot when they are that young, but the difference I think for me is that I'm a tough love kind of teacher. Yes, I'll push them to be the best and go farther than they ever have, but they also know I am tough on them because I genuinely love them and care about their future. 

When I went back to my classroom that afternoon, I thought about that conversation a lot. I reflected a ton on what I'm doing RIGHT with that student and how I can ensure I continue to do so. This child's confidence has grown ten-fold in the short amount of time he has been in my class. I thought about WHY. Of course, I could be ridiculous and say "it's all because of me because I'm the best teacher ever!" but that would not be the truth.

There are plenty of people better than me. Always have been and there always will be. I have my flaws. BUT what I am in genuine. My classroom is a safe place for everyone - including me - to be vulnerable and to grow. The students know this because we talk about it. We talk about it a lot. I often use myself as an example during morning meeting with mistakes I have made (obviously kid-friendly and appropriate) as they relate to our topic. I have also implemented the Gratitude Circle at the end of our day and it has been wonderful to see my students all appreciate and love on each other and the good things happening in our school. It's also been really amazing to see how their gratitudes have changed over the first semester - generally they were all pretty superficial in the beginning (thankful for having a specials class that day or some other special event), but now that the comfort is there and the safety is there, they are going deep. Someone will share that they are thankful for [name] because they helped them when they fell down or invited them to join a recess activity when they saw the other person was alone or how grateful they are for the learning they got to do that day [that one might be my favorite because they are genuine, not putting on a show]. A few of the 3rd grade girls have taken to saying how much they appreciate me and/or my intern because of the work we do so the they can learn.

As I reflect and think about the positive culture I have tried to instill in my classroom, I can't help but wonder if this positive time that is deliberately built into my day is a reason why my students are feeling confident and safe enough to share. Let it be known that I am not trying to say I am the only teacher in my school who does positive things with their students; what I am saying is, I think my personality and goofiness and our mutual respect we have built amongst us all has contributed to the culture we share. 

In this moment, I am glad I am someone who truly knows how to be reflective because reflecting on this situation with this particular student has led to me reflecting on the culture I've built in my classroom this year which has led me to think about how I can continue to cultivate this and bring it to an even better place the rest of the year and into my future classrooms. 

There is power in reflection and being willing to be honest and vulnerable about why something is working or why it isn't. Fortunately in this case, it is working and working well...but if it wasn't, it would be time to stop and think about why. What behaviors am *I* contributing that are hindering where we want to go. Because regardless of what you think, your behavior as the leader of the classroom absolutely impacts everything the kids do. 

Well, the page and the calendar have turned. It's a fresh beginning, alight with possibility. Every day is a new blank piece of paper, just waiting for you to write your story on it. How you write it is up to you.

We cannot control everything that happens to us, but we can control our responses and our attitudes. We can make the best of challenging or difficult situations. We can go in with our heads held high and with the foresight of doing the best we can with what we have available to us in that moment. 

As the page turns to welcome in 2019, I find myself grateful. I didn't start this blog to focus on myself and my journey with depression and anxiety, but that's how I have used it most frequently of late. I've had folks reach out to me privately and say they appreciate my openness about it because at the very least, the words will help someone else who might be struggling. I hope that is true. I have immense gratitude just for the space to be open and share, even if it is not read by anyone but me. The space, the platform to be open, to share my wounds, my healing and my success, has been tremendously helpful in allowing me to finally get past the demons of my past. 

In 2019, as I focus on my word renewal, I want to remember that every single day is a new start. In fact, every hour, minute and second is a chance to stand up and start over if necessary. How beautiful is that? Every moment of our lives we can take a stand and say "nope, this isn't working for me" and start anew. There is immense power in realizing that we have that ability. 

As you welcome in 2019, may you be happy, may you be healthy, may you know peace, love and most of all find a balance between what you need and what you think others expect. Happy New Year. 

Years and years ago, when I still blogged at blogger and teacher bloggers were predominantly writing about teaching as opposed to writing to promote their TpT products, someone introduced the concept of One Little Word. Basically, you select a word for the year that will bolster you through and is supposed to serve as an anchor of purpose.

At the time I first heard of it, I just thought the teacher who had shared it was clever and a ton of people hopped on the bandwagon. Since then, however, I have learned that someone else had originally come up with the concept and even had a class for it each year. The class includes some journaling/scrapbooking type of stuff so it's more than just choosing a word.

I don't go that far into it. I just like to choose a word to push me through the year. A couple of years ago I chose the word Intent. I even had a wallpaper made for my phone with that word on it so I would see if multiple times per day. It was incredibly helpful for me as I went through the year to have that word literally in my face throughout my days. That word also gave me the strength to pursue other job opportunities when I found I was no longer satisfied/fulfilled in the one I had. It was an incredibly powerful tool for me. 

I didn't do a word for 2018. I'm not sure why I didn't choose one, but I am going to do that for 2019. I am not a New Year's Resolution fan. I like to set goals, sure, but I don't like to call them resolutions because I think people expect resolutions to be broken. I don't like the negative connotation there. That may be another reason why I like the One Word challenge because it's not a resolution OR a goal - it's simply a word to anchor you for the year to come.

As noted previously in this blog, I have done a ton of reflecting, journaling and meditating since Thanksgiving. It has truly helped diminish my anxiety and depression in ways I didn't think were possible. In addition, I have been working with a therapist which is the best decision I ever made, to go back to therapy. Having someone objective to help you process the things taking up space in your head is incredibly helpful. Throughout the last two weeks, I have brought up the One Little Word concept in therapy and discussed it with my therapist. I have been tossing around a couple of words as options, but I have also wanted to be very careful what I select because once you pick it, that's it. 

All of the words that I have considered have power and meaning behind them. Not surprisingly, they are all really similar too. I did consider using the weird fierce, but I think that's too strong of a weird with some negative connotation to it so I have passed on that one.

The word I have selected for 2019 is renewal. This is an incredibly powerful word because renewal can encompass so many areas! I want to renew/strengthen my relationship with my husband and my daughters; I want to renew my faith in myself and my self-confidence (which has taken a real beating with this latest bout of depression); I want to renew/strengthen my resolve as an educator and seek opportunities that will allow me to continue to grow as a professional. 

I love this word because, truly, from moment to moment the way I renew can be different. It can truly fit the situation I'm in. There is power in the versatility of the word itself. 

Here's to a happy, prosperous and renewing 2019. 

Teaching in December can be incredibly stressful. Students are excited for some time off (teachers are too!), but for many students it can also be a time of great anxiety because school might be the only really stable place they have in their lives. I personally choose to believe that families do the best they can with what they have and that they send us their best.

Even with that positive intention, students can come to school dealing with the effects of trauma, anxiety and more. The thought of extended time at home away from the stability of school can be really hard for some students. I think I have understood this much more deeply in the last few years as I have gotten more involved in Restorative Practices and Trauma Informed Teaching and Learning. We really would like to think we know so much about what our students bring to school with them, but I think the reality is that we really only know a tiny amount in the grand scheme of things. 

As such, I try really hard to keep things as normal as possible the last couple of weeks of school before we go on winter break. I want my students to feel stable and secure in my presence. I think that has paid off this year. 

On Friday, December 21st, we had a half day of school. I planned to finish up all of our testing and things on Thursday so that we could just have fun together on that last day. We finished the ornaments they made for their families and then we had our party. I chose not to include food this year - the students just had to bring themselves. The students exchanged their gifts from each other (we do a Secret Santa Workshop each year and they get to select a gift for a classmate to exchange) and they got their gift bags from myself and my intern. Then it was fun time.

We played Candy Cane Fishing and Snowman Bowling! So adorable. 

Truth be told, I think I'm just happy I was able to capture action shots. So much fun!

After this we had a "snowball fight" with marshmallows since there isn't any snow in our area of Michigan right now. Students had a partner and sat across from each other. Each had a small bag of marshmallow minis. They had one minute to try to get as many minis in their partner's mouth as possible. Then we cleaned up (because for real, the marshmallows went EVERYWHERE even though they were being careful) and then we repeated with the second partner. It was so much fun. I have an adorable video of it but can't show it due to it showing student faces. So cute though!

Then we had lunch and I sent the kids on their merry way until 2019. Generally at Christmas I have one or two students who bring a small gift. A few rare times I have had 5-6 kids do this. Friends of mine who teach in more wealthy areas are shocked by this because they get overloaded with gift cards and other expensive items. I do not teach in an area where this is ever going to happen and that is 100% acceptable to me. I do not want my families worrying about buying me a present - I want them to worry about buying their own family/children/spouse presents. (Come Valentine's Day - they more than make up for the gifts, believe me!)

This year, I did have a couple of friends bring me a gift. Some were just little handmade cards (my favorite gifts, honestly). One gift I received included a super nice card. I'm so glad that I didn't open it in front of my students because I would have probably started crying. It was so sweet and heartfelt.

I think it's important to note that I fully embrace my weirdness. I'm not afraid to be silly. I think it's what makes me approachable - kids love that about me. I know when to be serious and when to be a goof and they really come to appreciate it. I try to make things fun because you're much more likely to be engaged in learning if you're having fun, right? 

But this mom, having never met me, was kind of taken aback at Open House when I fully said "He's going to tell you that I'm weird...and I am." She has come to appreciate that so much over this last couple of months. She has already asked me if I will teach 4th grade again next year so that I can keep him (truth be told, I was asked that last year too). 

As difficult as these last few weeks have been for me personally with my depression and anxiety, all of the meditation I have focused myself in has really allowed me to be present in each moment and that helps so much. I enjoyed that party so much more because I was not thinking about when it was done or what else I needed to do. I was just enjoying their laughter and their joy at the fun we had together. There is power in that.

Of course, I look forward time off as much as the next teacher, but I also hope that I sent my students away to finish up 2018 with gratitude in their hearts and love on their minds. We will meet again in 2019 and I think we will all be better people when we come back together.