Yesterday afternoon/evening, I met with my new ESL team for my new job. How did I get so lucky to have two amazing people to work with on this new journey? For real, they are fabulous and I'm blessed to get to work with them both.

One was on my interview panel. I did my demo lesson in her HS ESL class. She invited me and our colleague to her house for dinner and mojitos. (You know they had me at mojitos, right?)

It was super fun and informal, which was perfect. Just getting to know each other on a different level without the formality of being at work was really quite lovely. I also learned a bit about my new role.

Surprise! I'll mostly be working in the middle school! I find this to be hilariously ironic because the very day I applied to my new district I had a disastrous interview with another district for a middle school ESL position. It wasn't disastrous because I didn't know my stuff, it was disastrous because they were not welcoming AT ALL and I didn't feel comfortable in that space. The other EL teacher pointedly asked me if I felt like I could connect to middle schoolers having really only taught elementary (to be fair I have worked with middle schoolers as a sub and in summer school). I just find irony in the fact that she asked me that and here I am with a middle school position.

I will also support one of the elementary buildings two to three days per week depending on the needs of the ELs there, but for the most part, my home will be the middle school. I am SUPER stoked for this because I've wanted to transition to middle school for a long time, but never really had the chance.

This role will also allow me to (sort of) keep my toes dipped in elementary so it'll be the best of both worlds, I think.

Without knowing exact numbers/needs, I will most likely have 1-2 classes at the middle school where I teach an ESL class. It will for sure be 1 class but could be 2 since the 6th grade is moving into the middle school and my colleague didn't work with the elementary last year so isn't 100% sure on the numbers/needs for that group. So for sure 1 class, possibly 2 where I'll have a bigger group and we will work on strategies and things like that. The rest of my time will be spent doing push-in co-teaching at the middle school or at the elementary building. I do know I'll have a classroom at the elementary school so it's not unlikely that I could do some pull-out as well depending upon schedules and needs.

I am super excited though. I think this is the perfect move for me -- I'm still teaching but I'm not confined to one room all day every day with the same kiddos. Don't get me wrong, I have loved my time in elementary but I'm so ready for a change and a challenge and I am confident that I have found it.

My new team and I are scheduling another day to get together formally in August so we can visit our respective schools, see our spaces, and hopefully start to navigate the data and information for our students. I expect to be pretty lost/confused/overwhelmed the first few weeks of my new job as I figure out my schedule and balancing my two schools, but I'm excited to dig in.

Here's to lots of opportunities to learn and grow.

One of the best things about traveling to other countries is the opportunity to experience another culture and really learn from the people who live there. Depending upon where you visit, you can experience a little bit of culture shock or not really feel like it's very different from where you live.

When I traveled to Finland/Sweden in 2015, I didn't feel out of place or like I wasn't in a familiar place. Obviously, the environment was unfamiliar and I had no idea where I was at any given moment, but the areas I visited didn't feel so "foreign" that I felt like I was actually in another country. I could very well have been visiting different states/cities in America (except I would say their architecture is pretty unique).

This was not true in my visit to Uganda. I will wholeheartedly acknowledge the privilege I have in being a white woman. I have no idea what it is like to be a person of color or oppressed (aside from work-related gender discrimination but it's not nearly the same as POC deal with).  I have always been the minority in my classroom. All 13 years of my career, I was the minority as most of my students have been of color. It has never affected me too much, however, because I've always been in an environment/culture I'm familiar with. That was all gone when I arrived in Uganda.

It is not uncommon for people, children especially, to see a group of white people and immediately point and shout "Mzungus!" (Mzungu means white person in their native language of Rukiga [pronounced Ru-chi-ga].) We would never in a million years in America point to someone of another race and proclaim their race. But it's normal for this to occur in Uganda. It took a few days for us to get used to it. It would even occur as we were traveling to our schools or to the excursions. People would see our buses/vans driving by and point and shout. It was decidedly odd. Fortunately we got so used to it that many of us bought shirts that say "My name is not Mzungu" as a joke because they know they do it and we experienced it. It became funny after awhile.

Another thing that was pretty different was how women are treated. We could argue all day about whether women are treated well in America (see Women's March). I saw a mix of how women are treated in the area we were in. The night I arrived in Uganda (to the airport in Entebbe), there was another group of fellows that arrived after my plane landed. As we were waiting for everyone to get their Ugandan SIM cards all set, we got our first glimpse of how women are second-rate to men. The last group of fellows were getting their SIM cards and these two men walked up and more or less cut the line to add money to their phone accounts. The person waiting on them allowed this to happen - the men were allowed to cut to the front. I also noticed this during the school conferences: men would move ahead of us fellows (mostly women) in the line for food.

This is not to say that they treated us poorly. They did not. That is not the impression I want to leave. It's just DIFFERENT. Men don't hold doors open for women there and I would bet money that the term "ladies first" has never been thought of there. What I found to be the most interesting about this is how some of the men we worked with showed care toward women.

One school day I had a really upset stomach and went to school late. One of the team leaders had to go into town and said I could just go with her later if my stomach was feeling better (I had taken some medicine and we were just waiting to see if it had worked). On the drive to my school, a boda boda (motorbike taxi) was driving toward us very fast and erratically. The roads are pretty rough and mostly dirt. He was driving way too fast for the condition of those roads. We had passed these two women walking on the side of the road just before this boda boda went past. It was pretty obvious the dude was losing control and sure enough, just after he had passed us, he wiped out. One of the Ugandan men who works with the organization I was with turned in his seat and expressed concern for whether the women behind us walking had been hit or hurt. (He even went on to say he didn't care about the boda boda driver because he was acting stupidly.) Having seen how women were not necessarily revered in other respects, I was touched to have seen this obvious care for whether these women had been hurt by someone being careless. I'm positive it was actually care for the women that mattered to him because there were other men around and he didn't express concern for whether they had been hurt/affected by the reckless driver.

At our school one day, during a break, we had a wonderful discussion with the local teachers we were working with. They were just as fascinated by what was normal to us in America (or the UK as was the case for one of our fellows) as we were to what was normal to them. The head teacher was fascinated to learn that my husband didn't have to ask permission to marry me or pay a dowry of cows or goats to my father in order to marry me. They were equally surprised to learn that my husband can't tell me what to do. (That conversation will forever been embedded in my mind. I think you had to be there, but it was quite funny when he said, "so your husband can't tell you what to do?" and I half-laughed and said, "well he can try, but it doesn't mean I will listen.")

I think one of the most fascinating parts of their culture, for me, was how the women dress. We had been told prior to our fellowship that we needed to be sure we had long skirts (that at least covered our knees) and shirts that didn't expose our shoulders. We could dress as we pleased at the lodge but at any time we were in town or our schools we needed to be covered. As a born and bred American, I can assure you I realized how vastly immodest we are in the States. The women in Uganda dress for modesty. We do not. Of course there were exceptions (we did see women in pants in some places, but they tended to be much younger women), but for the most part this was true.

I'm forever grateful for the opportunity to visit Uganda. I learned a lot and recognized how one culture is not better or worse than another. In fact, during that conversation when the other teachers were asking us about marriage in America, one of the teachers I worked with said, "that's their culture though, it is normal to them." (I was proud of him for recognizing that it's not weird, just a different culture.)

Going into another culture with the expectation that you'll learn from them and be changed by them is the best way to experience another culture. Being open minded and willing to learn allows you to really immerse yourself into the experience and be part of something unfamiliar without feeling like you have to shed your own culture.

Tomorrow marks a full week since I arrived home from my month-long trip to Uganda. The jet lag has been intense...almost a full week later, when I thought I was finally over it, I took a 3-hour nap today. Alas, things are starting to get back to normal for the most part.

There is so much to say about this trip. It was a life-changing experience for sure. As someone who has taught predominantly ELs for my entire career, I can say this trip gave me a new perspective and appreciation for the students I've had over the years who weren't born here in the USA.

Most of my students who aren't native English speakers speak Spanish at home. I cannot speak Spanish. I can understand some (and often I can get the gist of something more because I speak "mom" than because I really understand their exact words), but generally I'm lost when parents are speaking to a translator or getting on their child's case in their native tongue. It has never bothered me because I have been in an environment/culture that is familiar to me.

In Uganda, working at the school I had the absolute privilege to work in, more often than not, during break or lunch, conversations would come up in their native tongue of Rukiga (pronounced Ru-chi-ga) and I suddenly was 100% in the shoes of my students and their families, especially those that were not born in the US (I haven't had a lot of refugee students considering how long I have taught, but I have had a handful). It made me think...while I was fine in this environment because I had two other fellows to chat with in English, I have a new appreciation for how hard it is to go into a new culture where you don't know their "norms" AND they are speaking a language you do not understand. That takes some real guts.

I only had two do it for two weeks. Doing it for months (or years) as you learn a new language and culture can't be easy! I have a ton of respect for these families anyway but now even moreso.

Because I have so much I would like to unpack and share from this trip, I am going to do a "Uganda series" of posts. Not including this post, I will share 5 posts about my experience there focusing on the following topics: culture, school/coaching, excursions, travel and conferences. They may not come in that order, but each new post will be labeled as part of the Uganda series.

I'm excited to share the experience but also unpack and process it all for myself. It was truly an experience I won't ever forget. The friends I made, the bonding we did, the affirmation I found in who I am as an individual and as a teacher leader made it an invaluable experience. I can't wait to share it here.

*PS Agandi means "How are you?" It is a typical greeting you would receive in the part of Uganda we stayed in. The appropriate response is always Nee-jay which means "I am fine."

Today marked the end of my 13 year tenure with my school district. This week was really quite odd. We had a full day on Tuesday followed by three half days (due to secondary exams). 

As I am preparing to leave for Uganda on Tuesday, June 4, I had to be really on point in cleaning, organizing and packing my things to remove them from my school. 

Today being the last day, we had a Super Ultra Mega Brag Tag celebration. We had 11 different types of Brag Tags to pass out! I did my classroom awards as Brag Tags this year so that the kids will keep them with the rest of their tags. They were so cute and it was really fun to see their excitement at receiving all of the special tags today.

We ended our morning together with one final Gratitude Circle. The students shared their favorite part of this year and gave a shoutout to a classmate. Several students said their favorite part of this year was being in my class (oh my heart!). Each day as we dismiss, I request my students give me a high five to say goodbye so that I know an adult/family member has picked them up. As we were doing this today, one of my challenging boys wouldn't settle for just a high five, he insisted on giving me a hug and asked me to check in on him next year (I'm not crying, you're crying). 

Then it was time to finish making sure everything in my classroom was cleaned and ready to go. ​#ThatsAWrap

Finally, it was time to complete the CA-60s (student records) to ensure everything was all set for the next year's teacher and all of the attendance information was accurate. I turned in my keys and that was that.

I didn't linger and take a lot of time to say goodbye. A few teachers and I hugged goodbye and said have a great summer, but I left without a huge hullabaloo. It's the way it needed to be. I'm not sad about my decision to move on. I think it was a long time coming and I needed to do this for me and for my family.

Here's to an amazing summer and the amazing educational adventures to come. 

As much as I am looking forward to starting a new chapter in my life and my career, this last week (and this upcoming one) will include a lot of "lasts" that I didn't think would be so emotionally charged for me.

We had Field Day on Thursday. I realized it was my last Field Day as a teacher at my school and in my district. I'm quite sure I'll experience other field days in my career, but to know this was the last time I'd be doing it with my current students, colleagues and in my current school was a bit heady.

We also had a couple of assemblies this week. We had the Flying Aces come on Friday and do a frisbee demonstration that was pretty awesome. As I sat there (ironically between two pretty tough students behaviorally--one was from my class and one was from another), it occurred to me that this was the last time I would sit in that gym with those kids too.

We had a half day on Friday for the Memorial Day weekend. I stayed about an hour after dismissal and then had a few errands to run. On my way home, it really hit me that this is it. I'm positive I will cry saying goodbye to my class on May 31. We've endured a lot together and I will miss them.

But as much as it hurts to make the change, I know that change is good. It is how we grow, how we learn and how we become the best version of ourselves that we can be. I would be a hypocrite to tell my students to push through and be true to themselves if I didn't follow my own advice. 

It won't be easy. I know that. I don't labor under any delusion at all that this will be an easy or completely smooth transition time. Change is rarely ever easy in my experience. Alas, I also know that it's time for me to go. I have agonized about it for years. It is one of the reasons I am in my current school - I thought that was the change I needed and that it would help my restlessness, but it didn't. 

This time, I think the difference will be that I won't have a choice but to be a learner. I am technically already an ESL teacher as my entire class (except for two boys) speak Spanish natively. The difference is, however, that I am a general education teacher too. My new position will allow me to be a support person and really help the EL students to assimilate and acclimate to English whereas my current position doesn't do that in the same way. It will be like completely starting over. This isn't a bad thing. (A former colleague of mine works in my new district and said they probably will also have me do New Teacher Academy which sounds weird for a 14 year veteran teacher, but since I have zero idea how they do things, I think that would actually be really helpful and beneficial!)

It's just hard to experience these "Lasts" and know that my time there is really winding down. I don't regret my decision to move on because I know deep down this is the path I need to be taking. But in the moment, looking into the eyes of my kiddos, it's hard to realize I probably will never see them again. As much as we might promise we will come back, in reality, it rarely happens. 

I love these group. I have never had such a compassionate group of students before. They are so caring toward each other and see the world so uniquely and they have shared that with me. It will be hard to let that go. 

Over the last several years, I have been pretty restless in my work. I thought that changing grades would help. I was still restless. I thought that changing schools would help. I was still restless. 

So for the first time in 13 years, I have been seriously job hunting. There are many reasons for it, none of which include my students. This has been, by far, the sweetest class I have ever had. Of course they have their days (who doesn't?) but they make going to work fun. 

Alas, I knew I needed a real change. I was not into teaching a split again next year and that's what I was assigned to. I took that as my sign that I needed to do something drastically different. Thus, I began a job hunt. 

I haven't had a real interview in so long. I would argue that even the interview I had for my transfer to my current school wasn't really an interview. Not compared to the interviews I have been on recently. 

On April 30, I had an interview in a district very close to where I currently work. Looking back on it, it was pretty awkward and stifling. They weren't welcoming, they didn't appear all that friendly and I left there feeling really weird about it. That same night, I applied for another couple of jobs in a district a bit farther away.  The job description was really appealing. I told my husband the job description really should. have read "Raye, please apply for this job" because it fit me to a T.  The very next day, on May 1, I got a phone call from them! 

They did an impromptu phone interview right then. They asked me some really deep and thoughtful questions. I was quite impressed by their thoroughness. One of the questions they asked me was what I would do if stakeholders wanted me to keep the status quo but I knew it wasn't in the best interest of my students. I said "if you're asking me if I will push back against any and everyone in order to do what is right for my students, my answer will always be yes." I then went on to explain that my advocacy for my students has not always been appreciated (in fact I've had some principals who downright hated that about me), but I don't care. It's not about me. It is about what is right for kids. Period. They must've liked that because they invited me in for another interview!

I do not like the interview process. I always feel so nervous and awkward. But I have to say that this district made me feel SO welcomed and at ease. Their questions were wonderful and very thorough. As nervous as I was, I felt so good and confident sitting there with them. They put me at ease, laughed with me (when I said I didn't become a teacher for the fame and the glamorous pay) and were just so much more friendly than the place I had been the previous week. Amazing how vastly different districts/schools can be. 

A couple of days went by and I got a phone call inviting me to do a demo lesson! I was so excited but so nervous. The demo lesson would be with high school. I am an elementary teacher by trade so it was a big step! (This is an ESL teaching position so all grades K-12 which is why the demo was at that level.)  I prepped all weekend and fretted over the lesson because I am so not a high school teacher! They kind of scare me because they are so tall! 

I did a close reading lesson using the lyrics from the song "A Change is Gonna Come" by Sam Cooke. The students stared at me for the first several minutes and then I told them that THEY were scary to ME because I teach small fries. That made everyone in the room laugh and then the kids opened up. I actually had a lot of fun teaching those big students! 

On Tuesday I got a phone call that they were ready to check my references. Basically as long as those panned out, the job would be mine! Two (incredibly long) days later [because I am impatient], I got my official offer via email! So grateful, blessed and excited for a new opportunity.

I have felt so restless being in the same four-walls of my own classroom for the last few years. I think this ESL position will be a perfect change for me because I will be working in multiple schools, with multiple teachers and a variety of students who need support with their language development. Guaranteed that every day will be different because I probably won't be in the same school two days in a row (I mean I could be, but it doesn't sound like I will be). I'm going to get to meet and collaborate with so many people and I think that will also help me to continue to grow and learn as an educator. What more could a person ask for? 

I think it is really easy for people to judge other people's jobs. For example, it is super easy for a teacher to say "well if *I* was the principal, I would have done _____" or for a principal to say "well if I was the director, I would have done _______." 

We aren't always privy to the vast amount of information that goes into someone else's decisions. I think my students probably feel that way often too. They don't understand that when I make a choice in our classroom, I have considered every angle I can think of and made the best choice with the information that I had available to me at that time. It doesn't always make people happy, but it's also necessary to make those "executive decisions" sometimes.

In the last couple of years, I have continued to lament that I do NOT want to be a principal (yes, that is capitalized, bolded and underlined to really emphasize how much I was like no no no!). What's really funny is that other people have told me for years that I should be a formal leader because I am so good with people. I have doubted that in myself because sometimes I don't make the best decision, sometimes I let my emotions lead me. Interestingly, someone recently told me that knowing that about myself is why I should pursue formal leadership. She said, "Being authentic and vulnerable about your own weaknesses will speak to people. They won't feel like they have to be perfect for you because you are willing to admit to yourself and those around you, that you aren't perfect." 

Truthfully, I hadn't really considered that before. A few years ago in one of my courses for my doctoral program, we had to create a leadership ladder. I know I saved that file, but I am unable to locate it at the moment. I do remember that we had to put our leadership priorities upward meaning the least important was at the bottom and as you "climbed the ladder" they got more important to you. I remember when I turned mine in, my professor was surprised at the choices I had made in terms of the order I had put them in. I know vulnerability and transparency were toward the top.

All these years later, as I have engaged in teacher leadership work, in two different schools, I feel even more strongly that these areas are the key to good leadership. It's easy to say we are transparent, but I think it's also important to recognize when other people do not think we are being as transparent as we say we are. It's a fine line. I haven't had to dance that line, but I know that I will and I really hope I don't lose sight of what is has been like to be in the teacher's seat and feel like you were misled or that someone wasn't honest with you. 

A very dear friend of mine and I have had many conversations about possibly pursuing leadership opportunities. One thing she voiced was that she was afraid she would get to that position and forget what it felt like to be the teacher and that's why she hasn't pursued formal leadership such as an assistant principal or principal position. I have to admit I have that fear too.

I wish I could sit here and type this and say that I have always been treated fairly, that every administrator I have ever worked for has been 100% honest and up front about everything. But if I said that, I would be lying. I'm not a liar. To be fair, I have worked with some really amazing administrators. I have also worked for some who are not honest or transparent in their decisions or they say things that they can't really follow through on and I don't ever want to be like that. These behaviors simply lead to distrust and feeling like you aren't really valued. You can repeat over and over that you value someone, but the actions you take will be what shows those people if they really are valued. 

Again, I do not pretend to know everything that has to go behind an administrator's decision and unless I have the exact same information and frame of reference as the person making the decisions, I probably wouldn't make the same choices. However, I do think that as I look to transition from a classroom to a formal leadership role, that I want to keep that at my forefront. I never want to treat someone in a way that I wouldn't want to be treated. We are all human beings first. We all have feelings and emotions and battle scars. We have to be honest, respectful and truthful. 

I vow that as I pursue opportunities that will allow me to make a larger impact than in just one classroom with four walls, that I do not lose sight of who I really am and who I really want to be. I read a story about a man who stuck to his morals because he said once you compromise who you are, even if its just once, you're now someone who can be compromised. That has never left my mind. I don't want to be someone who can be compromised. I want to be someone who is always genuine, honest and vulnerable. 

It has been years (and years) since I have actually gone on Spring Break. In 2018, I spent my Spring Break freaking out about the statistical test I needed for my dissertation so I could finish on time. Needless to say, it was not relaxing at all!

Fortunately, this year was not full of statistical tests that made my head spin. Instead, my family was able to travel to the Myrtle Beach, South Carolina area for the week. We rented a condo (through www.dunes.com which I highly recommend! They were awesome and made it seamless) and made the decision to drive as plane tickets for four of us was more than we were wanting to spend on a vacation.

I could live at the beach. Unfortunately for me, I'm too liberal to be a transplanted Southern Belle, but I could pretend if it meant I could see the ocean every day :) There is just something about the sound of those waves crashing that speaks to me. Our condo was right on the beach so out the bedroom window we had a view of the ocean (my teenagers weren't so lucky; their view was the stairwell :|). 

​I took so many walks on that beach over the course of the week that I lost count of how many times I did it.  Of course, it was also necessary to take some "walking along the beach" selfies to prove to everyone that I actually did it! 

There was a lovely ice cream shop down the beach about a half mile from our condo that we enjoyed a couple of times. We also took two trips to Myrtle Beach itself (we stayed about 20 minutes away) and that was fun. It's definitely a tourist town, but we enjoyed ourselves immensely. We went to the Ripley's Auditorium, two state parks and a zoo while we were there. The one rainy day we had, we enjoyed a movie together as a family.

It was the reset I needed, for sure! As we return to school tomorrow, testing season begins and I need to be on my game for that so that my students will be too. ​​

I've realized something important: I have a voice and a platform that many people do not have. It is unwise and irresponsible of me not to use this platform as a way to share my own battle and fight with depression and anxiety. I know I am not alone. I know that hundreds of thousands of people deal with depression and anxiety every single day. Many people feel so burdened with these disabilities that they choose to end their lives. I am not a medical expert. I am not a healthcare professional. I am not a licensed therapist.

I am, however, a human being who has suffered at the hands of depression. I am someone who has blanketed myself in self-hatred and self-loathing. It's hard. It's not an easy road. I think that finally, at 40 years old, I have shed that debilitating mindset and found a way to love myself and love myself first. Flaws and all, I am me and I need to be proud of that. 

When I was young, I was abused. Emotionally and physically. Those scars have followed me my entire life. I internalized that trauma by coming to the conclusion that something was wrong with me. Why else would these terrible things be happening? I was also brainwashed into hiding it. (We don't talk about this and no one would believe you anyway.) I do not share this because I want you to feel sorry for me. I share it because this set up a life time of self-hatred, self doubt and extremely low self-esteem for me. I also know I am not the only person in the world who has been affected at length by someone else's words.

The most ironic thing is, many people who know me would tell you I am completely full of myself and think I'm better than other people. I don't and never have. However, people have taken my push and drive to be better and prove to myself that I'm worthwhile and enough to mean that I'm competing against them. No. In reality, I've just been trying to silence the voice in my head that said I sucked and wasn't worth anything. 

Recently someone shared this graphic on Facebook and I was floored. 

(Note: I  don't know who made it so I can't give proper credit. If you know where this originated, please let me know so I can give them credit.) 

I think what struck me the most about this graphic is how true it is. In November, 2018, if someone passed me in the hallway at work or saw me somewhere else and they asked how I was, I would have lied through my teeth and told them I was fine. I wasn't. I was fighting a major internal battle with myself. I was full of self-loathing and literally just going through the motions as anxiety and depression waged its war on me. 

Today if I said it, I wouldn't be lying. But how would you know the difference if I didn't just tell you? You wouldn't. And that's the crux of it. 

We never know what someone else's story is. I really hesitated to share on the blog here before because this blog is linked to every professional venue I've attached my name to. Did I really want every future employer or business partner to see my struggles? Not really, but I also realized, again, that I have the gift of the platform(s) I use to be able to share and let people know they aren't alone. 

From the outside, most people would likely believe I've lived a privileged life. I certainly have had some great things happen to me, but I have also suffered. Most of the time that suffering happened in silence. I would imagine most people who suffer deeply don't share and that's why mental health is at such a critical place. We have to use our experiences, raise our voices and share so that others know they aren't alone, that there is support out there and that they can get through it. 

I think of global icons like Robin Williams and Kate Spade, two incredibly important people in our world who succumbed to their depression. With they money at their disposal, they certainly had the ability seek help, but no one knew they were suffering until they had chosen to take their lives. 

We have to speak up, we have to speak out. We have to practice self-love, self-care and make mental health a conversation we speak to our children, our spouses, our lovers, our neighbors, our friends. It has to become normal to share our struggles so that people don't have to go to extreme measures to try to end their suffering. 

I think that for me, it does come down to love. Self-love to be specific. I have spent most of my life hating myself. Hating what I thought I had allowed to be done to me...but working through my trauma with a licensed professional, I finally realized that I had to love myself before I could really expect anyone else to love me. It has been a long road and it hasn't always been an easy one.

​When we were counting down to 2019, I wrote about my One Word for 2019. The word I selected was renewal. I even warned people that I was probably going to make them mad because I was going to learn how to say no when previously I always said yes. In my quest to matter, to make a difference and be seen as enough, I always said yes. 

The problem with always saying yes (well, one of the problems) is that when you are always saying yes to everyone else, you're always saying no to yourself. And I vowed that was going to end. 

In the 2 1/2 months of 2019, I can safely say I have made some people upset. I have stood firm and said "no" when I didn't believe in the work or knew I was being asked to do something on my own time that wasn't necessary. Work has gone unfinished and guess what? The world hasn't ended. Alongside of that ability to say no and set boundaries, I have found some inner peace. Alongside of that inner peace, I have found the ability to love myself. To accept that what I do contribute is enough and that I do not have to be everyone's (or anyone's) hero or savior. I just have to wake up every day and be the best version of myself I can be. That's all I can promise anyone I can be from day to day. 

I am pretty stoked to write this post and say I will be spending a month in Uganda this summer! Talk about amazing professional development!

Last year (2018), a very dear friend of mine told me he was going to be in Tanzania for the month of July. To say I was green with envy is the understatement of the century. I was quite jealous and loved seeing his social media posts of his time there. I knew it was definitely going to be a bucket list item for me for some day. 

Well, some day came faster than I thought it would. On Saturday, February 9, I just happened to be browsing through social media and one of the pages I follow on Facebook posted a link for LRTT and their summer fellowships. Little did I know that clicking that link was going to change my life. 

When I realized this was something very similar to what my friend had done (not knowing at the time that it is the same company), I immediately filled out the application. Within a couple of hours I had a phone call from them asking me to set up an interview with the team leader. Of course I accepted. I was quite pleased to be told they often do not get applicants who have the credentials or years of experience that I have. I hoped this would be a leg-up for me. 

The following Tuesday, I had an interview with one of the team leaders. I hate to call it an interview because it was pretty informal and she was super nice and down to earth. Alas, that's what they call it -- they have to be sure the person on the other end of the application isn't crazy or going to try to be the boss of the applesauce or whatever. She let me know that she would be sharing my interview with the other team leader and they would let me know within 48 hours.

The following day, I had a phone call from the other team leader welcoming me aboard. I can't lie....I am BEYOND excited. Yes, it will be nerve-wrecking to leave my family for a month, but this is an opportunity of a lifetime. Summers 2020 and 2021 are going to be packed full of graduation and college stuff as my two littles (who are not little anymore!) graduate high school and leave me an empty nester. This is really the best possible time for me to do this. 

One of the questions that I was asked was what did I hope to gain from this experience...and I flat out said this is probably not an answer you'd expect from someone who has the credentials and experience that I have, but I expect quite honestly to gain some humility. In the USA, we like to gripe that we have it so bad when it comes to teaching (and don't get me wrong -- there is a lot to be desired in our profession as far as how we are respected and how we are paid), but we don't have 60 students in a classroom with very minimal resources like is the norm there. 

Every US teacher knows our classrooms are mostly teacher funded. But if you are like me and work in a Title 1 school, you DO get access to other materials and resources and of course, my current school is 1:1 with iPads which opens up a whole different scenario compared to folks who have little to no technology. In fact, I would argue that (at least where I am) we have money that is spent on resources that end up sitting in a closet or on a shelf because there is such a sense of urgency to spend the money or lose it that decisions are often made haphazardly rather than with input from the people who are expected to use it. 

Truth be told, I love teaching. Despite the ups and downs of being an educator, I can't imagine doing anything else with my life. But I also realize my time in a classroom is probably coming to an end -- I want to make a bigger impact than I can make in one classroom with 20-30 kids (and yes that is a range I've experienced, even in the last 5 years!). I want to coach teachers and support them as they support their students. And this experience is going to give me such a wonderful perspective in reaching those goals. 

Some day I will probably be a principal or a school leader of some kind. In the meantime, I would really love to do more work with coaching. As I get more involved with Leading Educators and helping provide PD to my colleagues, it just fuels this for me -- the gains we are seeing across our school this year are phenomenal and I have no doubt it is in part due to the PD we are focusing on. Working with OUR kids and OUR situation and then making adjustments to our instruction within those parameters. It's pretty awesome to help teachers realize they can do so much more than they think with the resources they have.

There is a lot of red tape to work through as I prepare for this amazing opportunity (vaccines, visas, etc) but I am excited. I think it is going to give me such a renewed sense of purpose and excitement for the work I do every day. I can't wait to see how I grow alongside their students and teachers.